Is a peaceful world society actually possible? Part of life is contrast and conflict it seems. Conflict that takes the form of trying to change someone else causes more problems, so it seems we have t... View MoreIs a peaceful world society actually possible? Part of life is contrast and conflict it seems. Conflict that takes the form of trying to change someone else causes more problems, so it seems we have to accept all the differences and focus on changing ourselves. But if the other person won't try to change there will never be resolution will there?I speak particularly about how much my life and perspective has changed, especially after using psychedelics. But my parents and most of my family are very religious and they thoroughly reject the person I'm becoming. I know I can't make them change, but if the hateful ignorance they're living in continues how can we ever be at peace with each other?
Hi, I'm elaborating on my last post so I can get your perspectives. I know this is a great group of people but please remember to suspend judgement. My lived experience is unique to me and I stand by ... View MoreHi, I'm elaborating on my last post so I can get your perspectives. I know this is a great group of people but please remember to suspend judgement. My lived experience is unique to me and I stand by it.I am a transfeminine person, aka a transgender woman. This means I was assigned the label "male" at birth but in actuality my spirit is predominately female. It was a difficult journey to accept this about myself (Ayahuasca helped me finally break through) and I have been publicly out since the beginning of the year, changing my dress, appearance, and name to finally live and be seen as I really am inside. It is so freeing!It is also very difficult at times, and sometimes dangerous. Most of my family is very religious and doesn't accept who I truly am, so I have had no choice but to cut many people out of my life who I care a lot about. I'm lucky enough to now be in a supportive household surrounded by great people, but there are a lot of people who don't understand. Living my truth threatens their binary worldview so they see me as an enemy and paint me as psychotic or malicious. I'm underweight, predominately pacifist, and on hormones that weaken further my weak limbs. Alone with someone who hates me and wants to hurt me (and there are too many of these people in the world), I wouldn't stand a chance.So we come to the possibly dangerous decision I alluded to in my last post. As a trans woman I am the fetish of multiple men. Being a fetish is dangerous because the person desiring you sees you as what you represent to them, not as the human you are. People trying to satisfy their fetish are known as chasers.Right now I live entirely paycheck to paycheck. Recently I emptied my savings account just to finish paying rent. Especially with the threat of getting COVID-19 and losing work for weeks, I have been concerned about my financial instability. Therefore I have been considering what amounts to sex work through sugar baby relstionships or webcamming. I don't have to be the prettiest girl, I can rely on chasers to bring in business. I also can't rely on them to be respectful or, most importantly, to be SAFE. Trying this out could open new adventures and experiences, but it could also put me at serious risk of my life if I'm not careful. A lot of trans women end up in sex work cuz there are so few other options open to us, and a lot of trans women are murdered every year.So to summarize... I feel my current situation is unstable and I am willing to take risks to create more opportunities for myself later on. However, this specific risk is gambling potentially with my life. The question I ask myself: is that gamble worth it?
Hey y'all,I haven't been very active on here cuz I've been working on myself. Last time I posted I was really struggling and I appreciated the advice and support I got.I keep considering very self-des... View MoreHey y'all,I haven't been very active on here cuz I've been working on myself. Last time I posted I was really struggling and I appreciated the advice and support I got.I keep considering very self-destructive or risky behaviors. I think I'm just processing a lot of pain and rejection and trying to find my place in the world, and my lizard brain answer is to roll the dice and risk something special happening, not realizing how dangerous that can be. Is it better to stay safe in times of change and fear or go push into the fear and find something new? I make a point of facing my fears but if I want to live even til the end of the year I need to start considering my own physical safety too.
I'm struggling to be content and engaged in each moment. I've been looking for spiritual answers all my life and I think I've found all the answers I need, but there's still this voice inside that jus... View MoreI'm struggling to be content and engaged in each moment. I've been looking for spiritual answers all my life and I think I've found all the answers I need, but there's still this voice inside that just hates being being. I have to constantly talk myself through why it's worth it to be alive, and why I'm not going to kill myself, but life still seems pretty pointless and no activity I engage in really seems worth it.Alan Watts talks about life just being a game that consciousness is playing with itself. I try to play and just engage with the moment, but I grew up on ideas of heaven and now it seems there's nothing to work toward and no point and that I'd rather just pass away than be part of all this messiness. And I am going through a lot personally right now cuz my family doesn't accept me for who I am so I'm losing everyone that I thought I could rely on. I just need reassurance it's worth it, and for these questions to stop so I can be content here and now
This is what I'm coming to terms with cuz I struggle with feeling responsible for "fixing" people and situations due to ingrained guilt growing up in religion. Deserves a repost
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Haven't found a way to leave app feedback but two things I've noticed: when I leave comments sometimes the message is cut off and only the first word seems to be posted. Also I can't tag people to rep... View MoreHaven't found a way to leave app feedback but two things I've noticed: when I leave comments sometimes the message is cut off and only the first word seems to be posted. Also I can't tag people to reply to their comments cuz when I try the app always crashes immediately. Sharing cuz I want to see the app keep improving.
I've seen a lot of awesome abstract art here and am curious what it means to people. I've been drawing weird patterns for most of my life, like this poster I drew 6 or 7 years ago. I just did it cuz I... View MoreI've seen a lot of awesome abstract art here and am curious what it means to people. I've been drawing weird patterns for most of my life, like this poster I drew 6 or 7 years ago. I just did it cuz I enjoyed it. I would put in lots of details that only meant anything to me. It's kinda like the music I write too. Is there any specific reason or use for your abstract art or is it all in fun (which is just as valid a reason)?
I want to try bud trimming but don't really know anything about cannabis (how it's grown, which parts are used, different strains, etc). For medical reasons I don't smoke at all and have been going th... View MoreI want to try bud trimming but don't really know anything about cannabis (how it's grown, which parts are used, different strains, etc). For medical reasons I don't smoke at all and have been going through drug tests for work so edibles haven't been an option either, so I haven't tried any cannabis products myself. Any good resources to start learning about cannabis as I start the process for my budtender license?
How do I find work that I can actually not hate, and can maintain well enough to sustain myself without consuming me?I've been planning and studying for a while now to do counseling but I think that's... View MoreHow do I find work that I can actually not hate, and can maintain well enough to sustain myself without consuming me?I've been planning and studying for a while now to do counseling but I think that's just cuz 1) I'm pretty empathic and 2) I wanted to understand my own traumas.I do like working with my hands and in nature but some things to keep in mind: 1)I'm not a very physically strong person, although I'm resilient. 2) I'm a trans woman so I want to avoid work that's too involved with the public, cuz too much of the public is biased against trans people from the get-go. Don't need that continual stress.
I've started writing out my trip reports from my two Ayahuasca ceremonies at the beginning of the year. They're going to be long-ass reports and I'm really excited to share my experiences when it's do... View MoreI've started writing out my trip reports from my two Ayahuasca ceremonies at the beginning of the year. They're going to be long-ass reports and I'm really excited to share my experiences when it's done.Definitely still integrating-I've mentioned before how it feels like I'll be integrating the rest of my life! I've been considering microdosing Caapi vine to help the integration process and beat negative feelings that have been arising, does anyone have experience or thoughts on that?
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