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Agua de Florietta P

Female. Lives in United States.

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Agua de Florietta P

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Agua de Florietta P

March 18, 2020 6:34 am

Hi, I'm elaborating on my last post so I can get your perspectives. I know this is a great group of people but please remember to suspend judgement. My lived experience is unique to me and I stand by ... View MoreHi, I'm elaborating on my last post so I can get your perspectives. I know this is a great group of people but please remember to suspend judgement. My lived experience is unique to me and I stand by it.

I am a transfeminine person, aka a transgender woman. This means I was assigned the label "male" at birth but in actuality my spirit is predominately female. It was a difficult journey to accept this about myself (Ayahuasca helped me finally break through) and I have been publicly out since the beginning of the year, changing my dress, appearance, and name to finally live and be seen as I really am inside. It is so freeing!

It is also very difficult at times, and sometimes dangerous. Most of my family is very religious and doesn't accept who I truly am, so I have had no choice but to cut many people out of my life who I care a lot about. I'm lucky enough to now be in a supportive household surrounded by great people, but there are a lot of people who don't understand. Living my truth threatens their binary worldview so they see me as an enemy and paint me as psychotic or malicious. I'm underweight, predominately pacifist, and on hormones that weaken further my weak limbs. Alone with someone who hates me and wants to hurt me (and there are too many of these people in the world), I wouldn't stand a chance.

So we come to the possibly dangerous decision I alluded to in my last post. As a trans woman I am the fetish of multiple men. Being a fetish is dangerous because the person desiring you sees you as what you represent to them, not as the human you are. People trying to satisfy their fetish are known as chasers.

Right now I live entirely paycheck to paycheck. Recently I emptied my savings account just to finish paying rent. Especially with the threat of getting COVID-19 and losing work for weeks, I have been concerned about my financial instability. Therefore I have been considering what amounts to sex work through sugar baby relstionships or webcamming. I don't have to be the prettiest girl, I can rely on chasers to bring in business. I also can't rely on them to be respectful or, most importantly, to be SAFE. Trying this out could open new adventures and experiences, but it could also put me at serious risk of my life if I'm not careful. A lot of trans women end up in sex work cuz there are so few other options open to us, and a lot of trans women are murdered every year.

So to summarize... I feel my current situation is unstable and I am willing to take risks to create more opportunities for myself later on. However, this specific risk is gambling potentially with my life. The question I ask myself: is that gamble worth it?

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Ernie

I was a tattoo artist for 18 years, growing up my dream was to make a living being an artist. Well. Stupid fucking idea cuz all it did was turn art into a job and it completely destroyed me. when $ became the only motivator,my artbrainportal slammed slammed shut and wtf,in hindsite i wish i kept m... View More

Like 1 March 18, 2020

Ernie

Money, is the devil, its slavery/pain tokens. Thats the danger i feel you should be focused on here, attaching it to the core of your identity struggles , how can you ever focus on being comfortable in your own skin when you are making it the difference between starving, or slavery.. it doesnt have ... View More

Like 2 March 18, 2020

Ernie

As far as the haterz, fuck em.

Like 2 March 18, 2020

Fantasma

Hopefully, you’ll find other ways to pay rent, buy food, the essentials. Take advantage of this time to accrue new or develop skills that you hadn’t considered and market them. There’s absolutely no judgment here, just a maternal desire for you to think creatively. No need to sacrifice your body, di... View More

Like 2 March 18, 2020