AwareGreatApe - Male - United Kingdom - DMT World - The Psychedelic Social Network

AwareGreatApe

September 25, 2020 2:03 pm

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How Shiva Overcame Lust | #ShivaLivingDeath Ep 1 | Sadhguru

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Sadhguru explains the symbolism of Shiva’s third eye and narrates a story related to how Shiva burnt Kama with his third eye. To watch this video in other languages: Tamil - https://youtu.be/tcSFX_

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AwareGreatApe

July 11, 2020 2:43 pm

I've been wondering, can yall express why do you think you suffer in a single sentence and explain how you got there? Would be nice to get your way of connecting the dots

I'll start: I think I suffer ... View MoreI've been wondering, can yall express why do you think you suffer in a single sentence and explain how you got there? Would be nice to get your way of connecting the dots

I'll start: I think I suffer cause I lose control over my body chemistry.

How I got there:

.I think every time I'm feeling like shit It's mostly something in my body working against me. Either my mind is nagging me about a way I'm interpreting a situation.

.Having a thought that popped in my head out of connecting dots in my "library", trying to share that thought or expressing it and realize that it's really hard for people to see the same way I do, connecting the same dots I did.

.Out of this situation I only react in 3 ways depending on my balance:

.Be patient and pleasant while explaining further my perspective so people can actually relate(not meaning they have to accept it as truth, but they get to see the same picture I see before sharing their own)

OR

.In my inability to get across someone that can relate and connect the dots I lose balance of my mind which then ends up with me losing balance of my emotional state, anxiety , anger, fear, confusion. It all becomes compulsive.

OR

.I'm feeling chill about life and drama doesn't get to me, I feel under control. I'm able to be patient and nice to people even if they are being super judgy over a thought or situation out of miscommunication. I stopped attaching so much of my identity in my thoughts. They become toxic, attach so hard to situations, people, objects and any of those make me suffer if it doesn't go they way I'm identified with. Anyways this state feels like a wave, it used to go on and off whenever my self-esteem was high or low (depending on if things happened my way or not) but nowadays it's been happening more frequently throughout the day. I've been doing daily meditation to not take myself so seriously and give less importance to my thoughts and instead focus on the real life situation within me, so I can keep my inside pleasant and keep being pleasant on the outside as well.

Don't get me wrong thought, I'm still attached to certain things like pain, been very easy to suffer other people's pain since my first trip. I seem to use it as a motivator to give me a purpose. Seeing that pain reminds me that everyone human like me, within we are the same. We just get hijacked by our attachments sometimes.

.Also weed which feels amazing and makes me way more pleasant inside together with meditation, but everything caused from outside has its good and bad aspects. I wonder why we even have cannabinoid receptors in every single culture even where weed shouldn't grow? maybe we can produce it consciously or unconsciously? I dunno.

.And i have a very strong wish of bringing some of the amazing consciousness heightening gifts of mother ayahuasca into my daily experience from within. Have a lovely day my brothers and please share your ways with me o/

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AwareGreatApe

Don't take this as an advice, I just think this guy can give a pleasant perspective on life rather than a philosophy . Wish u the best !

Like July 11, 2020

Thothalitarism

I suffer, because.

Like 1 July 11, 2020

Oryx0184

See also: Alan Watts

Like 1 July 11, 2020

LilSwampKing

Everyone suffers because existence is suffering. It's a case of mistaken identity that cannot be gotten rid of. You can try but you'll only be forced eventually into further conviction that acceptance is all you can do. Just be.

Like 1 July 17, 2020

Admin

September 17, 2024 3:26 pm Official DMT World

MichelleG AwareGreatApe

June 16, 2020 10:01 pm

Im drowning...... but there's no one to help me anymore.

5 people like this.

PsychadelicNightmare

Are you okay?

Like June 17, 2020

AwareGreatApe

June 16, 2020 12:29 pm

Sometimes it seems we forget the human nature, common to all of us.. Nowadays there has been this movement on #BlackLivesMatter, and I don't disagree with the beautiful part of the intention of this m... View MoreSometimes it seems we forget the human nature, common to all of us.. Nowadays there has been this movement on #BlackLivesMatter, and I don't disagree with the beautiful part of the intention of this movement, which is to improve the life quality of people with more melanin in their skin.

Now let's start with the name of the movement #BlackLivesMatter:

."how many people already identified as "black people" and remembered all of the painful experiences they had with racism and spoke out to have their feelings recognised?"

I'll share my perspective on this: I have a mixture of ehtnicities, I was raised mostly by the African culture environment but i also had the Portuguese environment and my mother's side family twice a month(Portuguese):

.Guess what?: Big drama big fking drama between families to the point of aggression.

My parents were, like many of us at our teens, clueless about their actions and how it can affect their lives. Just chasing fantasies of their perfect world. Of course that wouldn't happen without the interference of both families:

.Grandma(mother's side) : overly worried about daughter getting deviated from school and obviously with pre-assumed image of how my mother should live her life to be happy(hilarious right? you can't be happy 24/7 and you are raised to look for it all the time no wonder my mother chased to hard xD). Pretty much blaming my father's influence on my mother for her lack of interest... She now reacts emotionally whenever one of her daughters dates a black man, and I can't really blame her, my mom was a difficult child. Pregnant of me at 17 which resulted in endless family drama, to see who would keep me, throughout my life. Just a bad experience and she knows it, that's why she doesn't say anything. But she still remembers when she felt that my father had stolen her daughter's opportunity to be happy.. Sigh people confuse feeling with knowing, but she does know it was my mother's choice to chase for what she wanted.

.Mother: Just following her emotions, where it leads to happiness. She liked dancing and making choreographies, she has talent with art and architecture. Plenty of potential just sitting there, never incentivated. Painted with the worries of her parents and conflicted with her wish to expand. No one wants to be in a cage.. It's nice to have security but most of the times that's not what gets us feeling realised.

.Father's family: Like do you know those hardcore verbal toxic family environments where everyone pretty much walks on each other's opinion with toxicity but at the same time they all unite when an outsider comes? Was kinda like that but in a hierarchy pyramid:

.My grandparents suffered from the war between Portugal and it's colonies: they had shit tons of emotional issues from the experience and ended up painting their kids so hard with their worries that none of them ended up leaving the house and expanding outside.. Good people, they really try helping each other, they just force their opinion so hard that it hurts more than the problem: highly unconscious, highly unaware of how they fuck each other but they never forget to repay for when they felt fked.

Do you see any similarity between them? I honestly see this in any environment I've been in. We step on each other's foot all of the time, without even knowing, just to get affirmation for how we feel/see the world and if someone doesn't see the same way: "they must be wrong or 'different', that's why they don't see the way I see!"...

Let's just be aware of every perspective and try to figure out a solution seeing the problem from different angles. It's possible that nowadays it's too easy to kill someone and probably too easy to become a cop on the psychological department. If you put all of the cops in one box, or all of the black people in one box you are already promoting separation regardless of intention. We are all just people.. the way we see shouldn't really define us cause it will really hurt us in the foot when someone sees differently..

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AwareGreatApe

June 14, 2020 3:28 pm

The goal of this "book" (more like personal project/therapy) is to honestly come across myself as a whole, to observe how the feeler of feelings split up from dream world, piece by piece, into a worl... View MoreThe goal of this "book" (more like personal project/therapy) is to honestly come across myself as a whole, to observe how the feeler of feelings split up from dream world, piece by piece, into a world of unconsciously filled boxes that expanded and limited my range of awareness. It's very confusing to my current ego to describe my past awareness with words, It feels like describing abstract art with a dictionary but I hope to be able to draw some personal truth and possibly some universal truths of the human experience. I'm doing this to aid my integration process, I need to know where I need to go in my life and I think we've all struggled throughout life so I hope this perspective may be useful to you brothers.

My ego's journey began in the world of dreams. The furthest I can track back doesn't manifest itself as a visual or sound memory. I would categorise it as a primordial feeling memory, it belonged to the big box, it was not physically uncomfortable nor emotionally stimulating. Recalling it, I would describe my 3-4 year old's awareness to be like a tranquil dream, with a feeling floating lightness. There was no sensation nor concept of time, it was non-existent, those years's visual memories are stacked along-side the primordial feeling. Those memories may be hazy by now, but they feel incredibly familiar and true to me due to my periodic recalling of them throughout my life.

By the age of 5 my dream-like awareness was shaken like never before. I was suddenly asked for my date of birth by my pre-school teacher. I felt the world crash on the spot, i dropped from my dream-like existence into an identity crisis, the primordial feeling was a mixture of anxiety, confusion, fear and a soft underlying feeling of psychosis while i tried to wrap my head around when was "I" born. Time stopped, the flow of the world was broken for what felt like infinity as a child. It was not the time for me to think of myself separately from what I felt - I was the awareness, not a owner of awareness. It left a very strong mark on my mind that I later, as my ego was more developed, recalled but not understood it with my lacking teenager world view.

Thankfully, as a kid, I proceeded to move on from that event, and going back to the world of dreams. As I ran through the "immense" grass field, pressing my body against the air and enjoying the quick flow of scenario, as the feeling grew I would speed up, and in those moments my awareness was that of the flow of the world passing by and, looking back, the feeling of the air hitting my body and the happiness surrounding it.

Back then there was no concept of "air", "feeling" or "happiness" in my mind, in other words, back then everything was in one painting, I would feel it but not label it as something "I feel", I was not separate from it. My awareness was that of a canvas continuously being painted over with all kinds of feelings and sensations.

I became aware of morals before I became aware of the concept of "I", myself in this world. At some point learned to separate pleasant and unpleasant paintings instead of just emotionally reacting to them. The good and the bad was born in my awareness, although i still didn't stand between them. I still was my awareness of pleasant, "the good", and of unpleasant, "the bad", in other words, my canvas was divided in three. My awareness jumped around from the timeless dream-like state, "the good" and "the bad". On the latter two, the sensation of time would slow down, and feel more grounded and palpable. Whenever there was a burst of happiness, like when i first got huge Lego set or a inflatable castle (which you should definitely invest for your child, unlimited hours of jumping fun and robot building), I would be that happiness. On the flip-side, I used to have issues eating, I would be asked whether I ate everything or not at school lunch, resulting in reprimandment, I would, obviously, not understand why I was "the bad".

I remember being told to "go think about what you did", from that point on the amount of times in the dreamworld decreased and a new feelings, from me wracking my brain over why I was "the bad", emerged - sadness, confusion.

Those served as glue to form my proto-ego, sadness made me think about "the bad" and despite not understanding why, I began to desire and ,in a way, to identify with the good rather than the unpleasant "sad" that made me feel like "the bad".

<==== To Be Continued...>

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AwareGreatApe posted a trip report.

May 28, 2020 3:19 pm

Dmt trip and perspective change(2 years period)

May 28, 2020 Category: DMT 198 views

My perception of reality has been changing since I went through a DMT trip, shortly followed, by a changa trip. Post Trip: I had a strong materialist concept-based point of view on reality, trying to fit everything into boxes, to find an explanation for everything. I strongly attached and identified with my understanding of the world, emotions, thoughts and past experiences. I was strongly receptive to other's point of view, but in the end it would just be concepts which didn't actually change my perspective on the world. They made sense on an intellectual level but had not clicked internally. I was completely merged with the persona (which i define as the part of me that wants to control a situation) and in conflict with my ego ( which i define as my conscious/subconscious understanding of the world that gets translated into boxes of concepts). My persona kept my view clouded, it made me deny and run away from harsh internal messages( with games, shows, friends or anything that would distract me) to avoid the pain that comes with it. My persona was lying to my ego, trying to dominate it and distort it. Trip report: The DMT trip took all of the concepts away, I was having a hard time letting go. In that state I felt as if I was fading away while watching reality unfold into a beautiful mandala. When the mandala fully formed, in my expanded field of view, I was shot into it. I had 1 min straight of hyperventilation while my understanding of the world was forcefully fading away along with the concept of myself. All that remained was pure consciousness experiencing eternity with some leftover "panic feeling" from not letting go. My first psychedelic trip, smoked DMT, was quite peculiar. My intention was based on a scientific mindset "I want to observe everything" (and according to friends I had the "crazy" fully open eyes throughtout most of the experience). The trip took me through a wide spectrum ride: .Feeling like I'm dying, experiencing eternity as a minuscule single point of pure consciousness ==> .As my friends synchronized their breaths(their POV) and i affirmed "I understand" inside of that infinite space/time ==> .I fell down into what felt like a "telephatic VR world", in which i got cheered "Welcome, I knew you could do it. This is your world!" and had some actual conversations despite everyone being quiet. ==> .Shortly after I was actually able to talk, I said "It's cold can we go inside?", I got a backride from my friend, feeling as if I had a ghostly floating body ==> .As I sat on the sofa, time fast forwarded 5 secs. My friends started wrapping me with 3 small fleece blankets ==> .Finally, I closed my eyes. Felt the comfortable warmth of the blankets, that kept getting stronger as if I was being wrapped by unlimited blankets, stacking and pushing me towards the sky. I was growing bigger and bigger while in that blissful feeling. In a way it was the polar opposite of the first part of the trip instead of feeling like a single point of awareness, I felt like my awareness had grown to the size of the universe. -When I say "universe" I'm reffering to "the whole" and not just our physical universe. I felt as if past, present and future were a single happening, in a multitude "universes". The moment I came back to the "baseline" reality I felt as if I could do or become anything from that point onwards. My past was there for my ego's understanding but it wasn't attached to the persona anymore. The first thing I said to my friends was that i felt that we were a "wave of energy flowing through space and time". Integration Process: This trip has happened in december of 2018, almost 2 years after and I'm still processing the knowledge and trying to integrate. I was tempted many times by my persona to forcefully find a comfortable logical explanation for everything that this spiritual journey digged out. I find that approach quite negative to my emotional health and even intellectual health - makes my persona attaches to thoughts is trying to dominate. I think everyone has their attachments, it's sorta the way we ground ourselves down and make an identity. Fake shamans recognize that, yet they can't let go of their attachaments, they incite others to chase happiness, wealth, among other things outside of our control, just as they do. "How do you take an adult goose(awareness) that was grown inside of a bottle(ego) without breaking the bottle or hurting the goose?" "The goose is outside the bottle" the goose realizes that: .He is not his thoughts, he simply has them; .He is not his past nor is he an imagined future, those are just the contents of the mind: .which are MOSTLY(not always) observed with with an "ego" filter scanned by the amount of control the persona feels that it as or needs to have over the situation - manifesting emotions. .The goose simply is, and feels no attachments in that mind state. .I believe that everyone can reach this blissful state of mind and cultivate it: .practicing acepting and letting go as if we were accepting and shedding our skin. .Requires a lot of integration for a more mindful awareness that doesn't get dragged along by attachments, that can drive us on loops of thoughts and self-identifying with them, and instead accepting and letting go as it comes. .I'm obviously in the bottle, as im wirtting this I am projecting my ego(personal understanding of the world) along with my attachment - my wish of having a more peaceful, supporting, respectful and stress-free world for myself. .In the end we are all humans and at some point we are dragged by emotion of having our attachments and ego in conflict ourselves and others. .I think cultivating that mindful state of awareness can help us out realizing our emotions and the perspective of others: .even if you don't agree with what others are saying, it got easier to see the way other's see with this mindset. .being able to detach from my thoughts allows me to see more clearly mine and other people's assumptions. .enriching my point of view, instead of a battle of concepts, which leads me to openly shedding the skin I see unfit, shaping the way I see the world.