Hulkstateofmind

Disclaimer: Im sure some of yall may think im crazy if you read this but understand im doing or did this for myself and for what i consider to be a path toward spiritual understanding. I dont condone nor am i trying to promote that everyone try this. I do however want this out there for not only myself but others that dabble like i have to at least have something to reference at least. Or even to compare along trips others may have had im always down to connect ! Last sunday i did a heroic dose of mushrooms. A heroic dose is anything past 5 grams. I did 10.57 grams...My goal was to try my hand at the deep end. See exactly what the mushrooms had for me. Id consider myself an adept user. Ive had numerous trips and always do my best to understand the strains and the effects or better yet lesson that each trip presented itself with. Anyone whos been around for my trips knows i like to push the boundaries always taking more than or at least an eighth. Im a psychonaut ????????‍♂️????. For this trip i was solo...except rosa our dog. I had texted many friends what i was doing and to check up on me and tho ive said it before i do want to thank you guys again for not only offering sanctuary but doing the simplest thing of sending a text. So with all that covered im gonna go into what i can remember about my trip aswell as what i got from it. Heeeerrrrreeeee weeeee gooo I had decided if i were doing these i had to be home. Its my own environment i can control it and not feel an unfamiliar variable that i wouldnt be able to compotently calculate. I grabbed a bottle of lemonade and start scarfing. I jumped onto my pc and started gaming. For me videogames are a great measuring stick to see how deep im in not only visually but focus aswell. We were playing call of duty Warzone. We had jumped near the junkyard for the vault coded doors. Its routine. About 15 minutes i feel a psychedelic gust take me over and the screen starts to distort my graphics (ive got a gtx 1070 so its nothing to scuff at) i can still aim and shoot well in response to my area. But im focusing on minute things....a few matches later were waiting to load and my screen starts to leak onto my keyboard. We get into the match and then my screen starts to look like windows 95 quake 1 kinda shit and in the middle of the match i get up and consciously tell myself "i cant do this anymore". As i get up about an hour into the the trip. my environment is definitely reacting to the shrooms. I look at my dog whos showing me only half of her face and immediately look away closing my eyes telling myself again consciously "i shouldnt have done that". I open my eyes and my whole view is a wallpaper of my dogs side of her faces on everything i see. Im mentally breaking down at this point. Im realizing i wasnt ready for this. Im scared. I start to think of all the things i could stupidly do to harm myself out of my own negligence. My thought must have been if i present myself with these things i can put myself in a place to not interact with these things that could cause me harm. Which must of worked because i head into our bedroom sit down and meditate focusing on my breath... next thing i know im laying down. This is where it gets crazy. Im not sure how or what pushed me to this. But i had begun to do what i can only describe as astral projecting. Im outside of my body and no sooner than i realize it i cant open my eyes. I get anxious. Which throws me into a different dimmension without my control. Now let me clarify that to me on psychodelics or any inebriation, control matters alot to me so when i dont feel it (control) anxiety comes out to play. This would come to be a trigger to throw me different places or dimmensions. The first place i go is this geometric yet clean white in color landscape. I see these what i can only describe as grinning beasts with camera lens like eyes. Hulking in size i cautiously get closer to observe them. Which makes them react violently. I scare. I jump somewhere where all i see are stars...then eyes shining gold come across me and they catch my gaze. I then feel an irritation to my eyes blink and are now that same golden hue. I can only explain the force as feeling connected or godlike in the sense i felt a piece of everything in that world. The rest is a blur...all i remember is feeling like id experienced multiple deaths in returning to my body peacefully. Then get up sweating and and crying. My girlfriend came home and i hugged her as if id been gone for months .. My eyes still feel irritated. But more than any trip before my come down and day after were peaceful. Ive spent the week trying to remember all of this and listening to other trip reports to perhaps gain some insight. All i know is my breathing has been more at ease. Ive been even slower to anger. Ive also been getting this throbbing in the middle of my forehead when i lay down. Not like a pain tho. It feels like im knocking at something but not from a place of discomfort. Im also certain that my anxiety isnt as prevalent. I mean im more accepting to what comes rather than the cognitive need to analyze and rationalize which usually gets coupled with the emotion on display at the time. I also feel lighter. Welp thats my take. If any questions dont hesitate to ask. Like i said im sure some may read this and see me as crazy or whatever have you and to that all i can say is ive never been one to act normally so why should i start now? ????????‍♂️