yurei

So it has been quite a long time since these experiences but I feel like I finally have had enough time to get a better idea of what really happened. So this heroic dose experience has a bit of backstory involved in it, and the reason I am finally sharing it is because I very recently did mushrooms again and it was not even near any of the experiences I had back in the day (I believe has to do with me having taken lexapro for a year and I was full, so I am off the lexapro now) Anyway, I believe I had 2 or 3, 3.5 gram trips and one 2 gram trip prior to this final culmination of everything which was the heroic dose trip. Also, all these trips were with the same person in the same house to be as safe as possible and respect set/setting. All of those trips were very similar in the sense that they were extremely visual for me. An example of a common occurrence in those trips would be I look up at the textured ceiling while laying down, and see faces arranged in fractal like forms with the focal point being where I'm looking and it branching out from there, and then I see a woman looking away like she is tending to a garden or the earth it felt like, she was kind of floating in the air and was like a 1/10th version of a real human. Without speaking I remember trying to get her attention somehow, as I felt she was like mother earth or something like that. In I moment, she looked at me and as soon as my eyes met with her pin black dot eyes, she seemed to say, hey let me show you something. At that moment I just looked up at the ceiling and saw a Kaleidescope fractal pattern expand from a center point. Out of it kept coming beautiful impossible shapes I couldn't even imagine, and these animal/human type entities would also emerge out of this tunnel like pattern. I felt so happy and so little and insignificant at the time in the best way, like there was no way these things she was showing me was possible. There were also alot of random hilarious moments during those first trips as well like closing my eyes and being in like a clay room fully there like it was like I was in a different place fully not just a image in my minds eye. And then rubber ppl emerge from the ground and q screwdriver comes at my face and as it hits me I open my eyes and then all of a sudden in the real room my hands are like super skinny with what seems like longer and less fingers sometimes (that was a common occurence) Anyways, what really captivated me above all in the trips at the time was that there was always this same woman from that point on, a lot of times I'd just see millions of her face all around the walls doing silly faces trying to make me laugh, and it just made me sense like maybe this is what an angel is or like a spirit guide or something. To be thorough I'll explain what the 2 gram trip was like at the time as well or just a part of it. It seemed like as soon as I took a huge hit of weed at the time, it would propell the hallucinations and visuals and ramp them up, both open and closed eye. This specific time I remember closing my eyes after the toke, and seeing a red control room with an alien figure sitting away from me, as soon as he noticed I was there he turned around and looked at me and I felt the most evil alien presence, I still wonder if that guy was real because he was creepy. Most likely he is just my mind because he was a cliche big headed alien. With all of this, it really changed my world already and I always felt this ancient tribal feeling like with psychadelic experience. Even in my Salvia trips at the time I would see the same kind of entities, maybe these are those elves Terrence Mckenna was talking about because a lot of times they were mechanical in a weird way. Weird mechanical structures were part of a lot of the open eye visuals I had in the 3.5 gram trips as well which to me felt super ancient and I still don't really know why I was shown these machines. This brings me to the climax of this period in my life and this was the heroic dose experience. Which I will try to explain in chronological order. *All of these times we had taken them on a complete empty stomach (ate nothing since the evening before) for more clarification* It was probably 11 am on a nice sunny day in southern Ontario. And our plan of taking a heroic dose amount was set in stone 3 weeks prior after a 3.5 gram trip. We went into the garage which was converted into a chilling area with 2 couches and a bong and stuff, and proceeded to eat 5 grams of dry mushrooms each (wish I knew the strain) then we went into my friends bedroom, I laid on his bed and he sat on the computer and we chilled and listened to music for a bit. I'm pretty sure like the past times, as soon as we started feeling a bit funny, we went back in the garage to smoke some bowls as this always seemed to compliment the experience. Immediately after smoking we went back into the bedroom and I laid down and it just started. I forget what we were even listening to or watching, I think it was piano music from a studio ghibli movie or something like that, but slowly the feeling of being loaded started rising exponentially. It's like this time I didn't even have much time to gather what I was seeing. I do remember just thinking full house a lot and it seemed like the episodes were playing in a shuffled cut up order in my head. The same lady from the early trips was also there to greet me but she kind of disappeared after the start of the trip. Eventually things started to feel really weird, and we had forgotten that we had even taken anything, and we thought we were in trouble because we couldn't remember our names or anything, just that we both played guitar. At one point we went to pee and it felt like I shit myself it was so weird, and I look in the mirror and I am fully a sea amphibian like... none of my actual face is there just full sea amphibian thing with eyes and weird long ear things. And my arms were also blue like a sea amphibian, I was very confused so I walk out of the bathroom and that's when it took a turn. My friends roommate, her gf and their other dog that I had never met were there and it set us both off. The house was fully underwater and the dogs were swimming around mostly still like dogs but there bag legs were gone and they had like a fish back fin thing, and we both freaked out and ran for the bedroom, slammed the door and got in the bed as if we reverted to kids and we were in big big trouble. It was at this moment that we started to feel like we were dying, and I remember my friend kept getting up, saying "is this what retirement feels like" and he'd lay down again. At this point this entire trip was so confusing and intense that I did feel like my while life had gone by and I was retired. It got to a point where everything was dark and the only choice I really had was to let go of everything in my life, family, friends, everything. I think that's when peace and beauty hit me and I was on the verge of tears. I looked at what kind of looked like a heart, or dragons egg, and when I opened my eyes I was alive again and for some reason felt like I was not myself, but my father being reborn and knowing his/my purpose. I felt euphoric and like I was touched by something beautiful, and that is when the girl I had been seeing throughout all my trips was everywhere in the house, 1-1 scale of a real human, and this time she was REALLY there like it didn't seem like a hallucination. I went up very close to her and it literally seemed like she was just trying to stay still like a statue but I could feel that she wasn't able to fully be still. It all clicked that I wasn't really dying and I remember going back to the garage where she was there as well and saying to her, this was all a game, I didn't really die?! The thing I really got from this trip was that when we die we are confronted by ourselves and everything we have in this material realm, and we need to let go of everything and fully give in when we die. I finally finished this trip report 3 days after finally trying vapeable DMT for the first time, and the DMT experience felt very much like this heroic dose trip (or at least the very peak and rebirth part of it) I would love to know who this woman is which is why I think I will be visiting the DMT realm a few times (only tried once and don't think it was a full breakthrough) I want to know if this woman was part of my imagination or if she has always been with me. Anyways, this got very long and now the only thing that got close to that break through shroom experience is having tried DMT. In my research, a lot of the entities seen in the DMT realm I have also seen on Salvia and shrooms. The world is so interesting, I will add more and be tweaking this in the future for better readability but after almost 8 years I am happy to share this experience.