First Bad Trip, how do i approach it again?

So it's been a year since this horrific trip. I just made more spice and I'm wanting to do it again, but I'm so afraid it might be a bad trip again.  I've done DMT like 10 times all great experience's except for the last time. Now the good thing is that the last time I did it i have been drinking and did a little cocaine earlier. So I'm assuming my disrespect caused this trip. But the trip was so horrible that it took me a month to snap out of it. It's hard to explain but I'll try.

I got home with a couple of friends,  one had tried it before the other had not. I was eager, so I wanted to go first and I use one of those meth pipe bong things cause you can blast off with one huge hit!   Anyways I took my hit and before i could exhale i saw a quick blip of four crystals and boom, i was gone! I had that enivitable feeling that something bad was about to happen, but was powerless to change the outcome. I got shot in the head over and over again, again, and again! I reacted to it like it was the first time! Nothing i could do! And then i saw a entity vibrating and looking at me and it's head falls down over as over again spinning and spinning like my mind was melting and i was going insane. When I wake up I'm balling and crying and my boy said i was gone for like 10 minutes  both of them are freaked out and don't do it.  I'm so confused and rattled i need to get out of there, but as I'm looking around it's all so familiar and I'm looking at things that i know as if it's the first time.  My whole life feels new again  it's hard to explain, but now after making this last batch i wanna see where it takes me. I will be updating soon!!