Ayahuasca and Jail

I lay on my bed home alone, scared about the taste I was about to endure as well as that feeling of the onset of chemicals changing my perception. It's a feeling of vibrating unconscionably in my mind, but in reality not moving at all. It's the feeling of loosing myself and not knowing where I was going next.

I drink the liquid. It tastes horrible, worst than I could remember if that was even possible. I get scared, because I'm alone, I get sick. I decided that I wasn't ready to do this by myself, I don't want something bad to happen with no one around, I need people here just in case. I decided that maybe if I fell asleep, things would be better, no purging of the plant mater, skipping out of the embarrassing sounding vomit. Maybe I could see how it would change my dreams.

I fell asleep after tossing and turning for a while. I mostly just thought about how sick I felt, mainly because of the NASTY bitter taste that resulted from the Mimosa Hostilis. After a few hours of freshness sleep I suddenly awoke finding myself slightly in an altered state. I could see the lasting tracers left from light as I moved my eyes around, a common effect of the Syrian Rue I had earlier ingested. I had felt as if someone had shaken me awake, as though yelling at me “wake up!” I calmly relaxed and went back to sleep, remembering no dreamily hallucinations.

She tossed and turned as the red and white flashes of an ambulance could be seen in the distance. She lay on her bed crying. She was a failure, withering away in her own dismay. In a normal situation, the pills would dissolve in her stomach and spread their healing properties in all directions, but this was anything but a time for healing. She threw up, but not enough. It was a cry for help.

The owner of the property I rented was from a respectable family and she was also a law student at the local university. She, along with two other law students were my roommates at college. When she first was accepted to college she was diagnosed with Crohn's disease and became addicted to the pain medication that she was taking. When the doctors cut her off of the medication, she found other drugs to help with her addiction problems. She ended up missing the first semester of school when I first moved in to her home, because of "medical issues" she called it, but the truth was she was in rehab. She eventually moved back and continued to go to school, but the stress of law school wore on and she eventually relapsed. I'm not sure what caused her to eventually want to take her life, but when I first found out, her mom called me to tell me she was in the hospital. She was going back rehab and not coming back to the house or school.

It was time once again, why did I keep doing this to myself? I had prepared it as Vine and I had done before, the plant matter of Mimosa Hostilis again boiling away and the tiny seeds of Syrian Rue sitting in a small solution of lemon juice. It should be fine while I'm gone.

I had a small errand to do out in town and I asked one of my other roommates to watch over my stove as I got ready to go out. They agreed to make sure it didn't burn and I hurried on my way. I drove for a bit while enjoying the summers mid day heat. I checked my review mirror and noticed that a police officer was following me closely. I had never been pulled over in my life nor had a past ticket, so I didn't expect much. The police officer put on his lights and I pulled over calmly.

“Do you know why I pulled you over?” he asked. “No Sir.” “Your registration says it's expired." I had updated my cars registration during the winter cold months and my registration tag had fallen off during that time. I explained this to him and offered up my driver’s license and registration card as an offering to the law enforcement gods. He took them graciously.

A few moments passed and soon two more police vehicles showed up in my mirror. The police officer who pulled me over looked at them with a sign of "oh good your here" and started to walk to my car with his arm on his side, hand touching his gun. I though, “they sure take their stuff serious in this town.” He walked up to my window. "Sir I'm going to ask you to step outside, you under arrest." I was shocked to say the least. Apparently I had a warrant out for my arrested for disturbing the peace. I knew that this couldn’t have been my warrant as I never have had a ticket in my life. I told the officer this but it went unnoticed. They took me in.

When my friends bailed me out of jail it was just a few hours later. I thanked the police for the wonderful experience, and I think they were shocked that I was so understanding, or at least crazy for thanking them. Little did they know how much a powerful substance can change your prospective of even the police force. I later found out I was in another country during the same time that someone with the same first and last name was having one hell of a time disturbing the peace. I still never did receive a refund for my bail money, but I strangely wasn't upset about the whole thing. Before my recent personal changes I would have freaked out, had a state of psychoses and stressed about the possible future while in jail. Now, I just took it as what it was, a mistake and it was time to move on.

When I got home my roommates were worried about me. I told them the story and they were more stressed out about it than me. They also informed me that they had been putting more water into my boiling goods, so it wouldn't burn. The plant matter had been boiling now for about a total of ten hours, about five times as long as it should have been going. I strained it out and let it sit until the next day, when I had a full day, as my day had mostly been wasted while I sat in a jail cell.

I wanted to share my experience with others. I wanted to have them see how the experience could help them. I told my drug addicted roommate about the experience. Since her near death visit to the ER and another rehab visit, she had once again started to relapse; everyone at the house knew it. We could see it in her eyes, hear it in her speech. It couldn't hurt to have her see what I had experienced; it may just save her life. She agreed to try it as she had run out of options. We fasted for the required time and now it was time to take the plunge.
I filled up both glasses like I had done by myself and the time before with Vine. The Mimosa looked a bit darker this time. I had also used the plant Banisteriopsis Caapi, often called just Caapi, as the MAOI. I decided to use Caapi because it was used in real Ayahuasca, and the Syrian Rue that I had used before with Vine, produced horrible tracers and extreme nausea, even more so than was expected with Ayahuasca type brews.

We deployed the Caapi. She gagged when she felt the mulch hit her bitter taste buds. For me it was just as bad as ever. We waited for twenty minutes and then took the Mimosa. The taste being excruciating bitter, she pleaded to not have to finish it. I told her it was up to her. It made me sick to hear her washed it down with an awful gulping sound. I already started to feel a bit woozy.

I had warned her about the taste of the plants, some of the bad experiences people had, and what to expect. I don't think I warned her enough on the horrible taste. I went into the back yard of the house and lay down. It was day time and I put some headphones on with sea wave sounds playing in the background. After about thirty minutes I could hear my roommate throwing up in the distance. I felt like I should go help her, but the voice in my head said that she would be okay, that she had a lot of bad stuff to get out, that purge.

Sounds were turning into fractals, falling apart, things were slowing down. The waves on the recording were no longer sounds, but me physically flowing up and down as my body was a ship lost at sea. The sun was beating on my body and it was time for me to move, I was too hot. I walked into my bedroom and shut the door.
My bed was comfortable. I lay there on my back admiring how the ceiling would dance as if alive dependent on the contours and shadows produced by the white plaster it was designed with. I closed my eyes to welcome velvet darkness of space.

The voice welcomed me to this new location. "What would you like to know?" it asked. "I want to know why I treat people so badly" I replied. What I really wanted to know is why everyone treats everyone so badly, the same question I had before. "Since you didn't learn your lesson the first time, this time you will," the voice explained calmly. I was immediately transported to a planet; it was darkly lit, dirty, and smoggy. The small life forms that suddenly surrounded me were native of this planet, and were slaves to a much larger that had forced them into slavery for its own selfish deeds. The small beings were yellow in color and had two long arms, a short like torso and too short legs.  I had now somehow infatuated the body of one of the lesser beings.

I wasn’t amazed how I managed to travel so far so fast. I just immediately started to worry that I would never get to go home. My family would never see me again and I would exist only possessing this small poor thing until I eventually died from the over stress of hard slavery. The large being slapped me with a leather whip as I took a moment of shock and looked around my horrible new home. Just as fast as I had traveled to the planet, I was immediately flashed back into blackness of space, stars visible in the background. I understood, I didn't want to feel like that again, or to have others feel that way. The feeling was so real, true.  I needed to respect life. "Do you see?" the voice asked me. "Yes, yes I see". "What do you look like?" I asked. "You humans are so interested in how things look, but okay I'll show you." As the voice explained a figured appeared. It was grey skinned, almost translucent and it had large eyes and long skinny frail looking arms and legs. It didn't look exactly like an alien you see from most the movies, but that's the closest thing to describe it. The Grey Man pointed to something in the sky, but like the Grey Man before, it too was invisible. I could feel it though, powerful, like how static electricity can make your hair stand strait. "What is it?" "I'll show you."

The monstrosity of the goddess covered the earth with tentacles that extruded from the base of her body. It wore to head of a woman, the same one I had seen before while purging during my first session with Vine. She was beautiful but grotesque at the same time. I suddenly felt strange, completely out of place like a deer wondering in downtown a large city filled with cars and sidewalk.

A flash of a light. I laid in a pool of water; a translucent barrier of some kind surrounded me. I awoke from a long sleep and I was being observed from a round balcony. More Grey Men surrounded me. I felt trapped, a test subject of some sort, and I felt betrayed and used. I thought to them angrily as though I knew somehow they could hear me. "I am happy I am a human! You may not have emotions, but I do, and I am GLAD that I have them!" I thought in my mind as though they could hear me. They didn't show any signs of understanding. They didn't do anything at all.

I opened my eyes. I was coming down from the experience. I walked into the kitchen area and one of my roommates was doing some homework. I sat down. “How did it go?”’I thought it went pretty well, it was crazy, amazing" I talked about what I saw and asked what had happened to drug ridden partner in this adventure. “She had gone off to the bars somehow.” I was a horrible teacher, failed my first student, hell I was no teacher at all? I was starting to learn my own lesions. What was I doing? I was out of my mind. The walls started to fracture; the same rainbow of colors oil produced on the surface of water filled every grove in the walls that surrounded my roommate. I stopped talking mid sentence, expressed that I needed to go lay down and ran to my bed. Something was wrong, something changed, the experience wasn't over and somehow this was more powerful than I had ever felt before. I was frightened.

I lay in my bed my eyes open and my breathing sparse. I couldn't feel myself after a few seconds. I couldn’t feel my breathing. The world around me started to change more drastically and I wanted to closed my eyes but when I did I noticed I could see through my eye lids. I placed my hand over my eyes and still I could see. I placed the blankets over my eyes and still I could see. Holy god, what have I done to myself, am I dead? I was freaking out. I will never see my family again, my parents will know what I have done, all of this to find some stupid connection between dreaming and psychedelics, something they would never understand. My roommates will eventually find me in the room, their lives will be over. Oh god I fucked things up bad for everyone. I lay there as warmth became more and more apparent near my crotch area. What's that?, oh god, am I about to piss myself? I had killed myself and now I'm going to piss myself.

I snapped out of it. You have read everything about this substance. It's safe, you are fine, just tripping really hard. You need to go to the bathroom.

I rushed to the bathroom and stripped myself naked, in hopes of cooling off as I was very hot. Sitting on the toilet for a moment while grabbing at my face I soon thought, why are you in the bathroom, god why are my clothes off. I need water. Quickly as possible I dressed myself which seemed to be one of the hardest things I have ever managed in my life and headed to my room.

I was terrified to go into the kitchen where my roommates would find me tripping hard and not making any sense, but I needed water badly. I grabbed my phone and tried to text my roommates to get me some water. The phone fractured into a billion lights but I still managed to type some things out. Everything I wrote turned into a paranoid crazy story about how I was out of my mind and couldn’t get my own water. It all was a horrible idea. I just put my phone down and gave up.

I sat on my bed for what seemed like years. I managed to get on the floor and go to the trash can; I need to get this stuff out of me. It was too much. I grabbed the trashcan and a flow of blood red fluid flowed from my mouth. I fell on the ground as a booming voice shook me to the core.

“What are you doing here!” It asked in an angry voice. It felt like a beam of light shined on me for an unknown location in space. Time seemed to stop. "I don’t know, I’m sorry." "You are nothing compared to me, nothing but a human." "I'm sorry; I didn't know what I was doing." "Never challenge me again!" it boomed. It was gone, time started to move again and I was back in my room, terrified and alone. What had I just done? What the hell was that? I had no idea, but I was also still tripping too hard to make sense of anything. I lay there in my bed still paralyzed from the experience, unable to call out. I felt lost and needed someone, but no one was around, no one would understand what I had just gone through. This was no dream, this was fucking real.

Vine woke up to his phone listing nothing but missed calls from me. He had turned his phone off for some time alone away from the world, and for sleep. He called me quickly. "Hey man how's it going?" "I had the most insane experience last night, I, I did it alone man."

I walked down the main college campus street the next day looking up at the sky, looking like a crazy person who was beyond paranoid. I was crazy, and I was paranoid. I felt like I had just been bitch slapped by some type of god like being and I couldn't do anything about it. I felt heavy and watched from the always observing Grey Men in space. I felt like I was living something out of StarGate, placed here on this earth by some creature that just told me I was shit. What the hell is going on?

When I was younger I had an obsessive passion for the stars and space and would sleep in my backyard during the summer just watching the moon, stars and the satellites zooming past my view. I had a friend over for a few weeks that also had the same addicted state.

The air was still and there were no sounds that I could hear, things were perfectly still around us, as we lay in the grass, falling into the beautiful light filled darkness. I could lose myself if I changed my perspective of being gripped by the earth and free falling in space, and would almost lose myself.

My friend was quite must have been asleep for some time. A light in the distance shined bright as it moved across the sky, a plane coming in for a landing at the local airport. The sick imagination of my young boys mind thought about what I would do if the plane had veered off course and ran into my parent’s house. What would I tell my parents as I screamed at them to get out of the house? Worry swept over my body, but soon my imagination calmed down. The plane crept forward closer to my house. I focused on it more, something was slightly off. The plane continued to move closer as the light grew brighter. I began to think about my imaginative situation becoming real. This was not right, something was not right. I sat up in the grass and squinted my eyes, trying to take in all I could. It still got closer. I could now see a number of distinct lights on the plane, it was closer than I had ever seen a plane that size.

Without notice, it stopped growing, stop getting closer, just held still. Was this a helicopter? As I was barely able to complete my thought, the object flew off faster than any aircraft I have ever witnessed and veered ninety degrees strait up, going so high it curved over the horizon of the earth and disappeared. My mouth dropped open and I held my breath. I thought surly I had somehow imagined the whole experience. I was never going to tell anyone. "What the fuck was that?" my friend asked. "I don't know," I replied.

In the deep of the Amazon indigenous shamans have been asked about unidentified objects flying in the night sky. The shamans ignore them, as they know they are the spirits they see in the visions produced from the plants. They think nothing of them.

I looked back down from the blue sky, feeling that creepy feeling all over me now that same feeling I had when I was a young, I was being watched. Yes, my life had changed for the better from DMT due to my past experiences, but the possibility of having such a dramatic experiences never before occurred to me.  I have been shaken to my core and now my world had changed to include the possibility that spirits, or aliens may exist.