whiteyb

Kind of long** I've been microdosing psilocybin for a few months now, but have yet to make the plunge into a big journey. I carried a lot of the mainstream programmed fear about psychadelics. I finally just asked spirit to take me where I needed to go, and decided it was time. My husband recommended I eat the dried mush in twinkies, so I crammed 4g into 2 twinkies and jumped in. My first feelings were of calm and relaxation, almost a comforting knowingness that all was as it should be. I started to notice that my senses were hyper in tune. My feelings of touch were *Insane*. It was like each molecule of my hand was feeling everything in a way it never had before. I started to focus my journey inside. The visuals were amazing. I opened my eyes and the real world was like black and white, 2d, drab, so I stayed internal. Beautiful vines, swirls, pulling me from one place to another. I couldn't dwell in one place too long, the journey kept me moving. I had to use the bathroom, so I opened my eyes and I saw my legs. I remember feeling the beauty of my vessel. I've struggled for so many years with image and worth, weight and personal value. When I saw my legs, saw how beautiful I was, I broke down sobbing. I realized there in that moment that every hateful harmful thing i ever thought about myself had gone past my physical vessel and struck my soul like daggers. I'm not an emotional person, but the weight of that feeling was intense. Since then I have really been diving deep into what it means to honor my body. How to listen to what it wants. At one point during my journey, I could feel the ball of twinkies and mush in my stomach, like a stabbing pain. I knew that it was my body rejecting the twinkies, rejecting all the other shit I fuel myself with. I hadn't been listening, and now it was crying out for change. In the weeks since, I have been listening to my body, feeling what it likes and doesn't. I'm doing an elimination diet right now to clear the pipes and get out the shit I've been poisoning myself with. The really amazing thing, though, is that my cravings are gone. It's like a tie was cut between my emotional eating and my spiritual self, and I am able to make much better choices. As I got deeper, I got to that place where I was watching myself. I was the observer, I wasnt really myself. I kept pulling myself put of the picture, but no matter how many times I removed myself, I was still the observer. It was like playing whack a mole. I guess you would call it a download, maybe, but I knew that at the bare bones of it, I am God watching myself, watching other forms of my Godself. I had heard of people talk about this, but at that moment, it sunk deep into my bones. It was so beautiful. Creator enjoying creation through human vessels, but we are all the creator. After I came back from that amazing place I was in, i sat in my yard as a robin walked by. He stopped and looked at me, and I at him. We acknowledged each other, and he walked by. Isn't that what all of us really want? To look in another's eyes and acknowledge the light that we are? I sat in my grass the rest of the evening, just smiling, watching clouds, watching the lake in front of my house, so connected to everything. I'm so thankful and blessed for my experience, and am eager to be there again. Thanks for listening