Ryan

I started the trip with an intense come up anxiety and a lot of negative thoughts setting in. I imagined them swirling all around me like a tornado (It’s the best analogy I can think of). I was in the middle eye of the storm a small being of love, and I had a quote I had saved that I forgot I had written down. It said, “Stop trying to calm the storm calm yourself the storm shall pass” and that sent me on a complete ego death. I stopped being who I was. It was extremely intense. I observed many thoughts and forms of existence. I became others, & I imagined my life as others I took in a lot of chaos it felt like. I decided to go outside because a lot of it was not very pleasant. It was a lot of work and took me a lot of meditative breathing & effort trying to remain calm. When I was outside it was a misty rainy morning the sun had just came up and went to my back field in the yard. Nature was beautiful & then I became a tree. I imagined all the years the tree had grown and been planted there as everything around moved in the breeze I felt and unchangingness of that state of being a tree that’s hard to explain. It felt like it lasted a long time & that If I had my ego would’ve scared me more, but I was in a state of being neither negative or positive. Just present and aware. The people I tripped with came over after awhile of doing there own thing, and talked to me. It brought me out of that and I enjoyed my time with them. I was still working through my state of not really knowing who “I” really was. It was getting kind of cold and the rain picked up so we went back in the house. Then my trip started to get tough again, and I had restless anxiety like my come up anxiety started over. I was having a hard time staying still or being with the chaos I felt. As I continued to work through this it seemed that I reached a state of duality between the light and the darkness. I was experiencing all this light and all this dark & here I was in the middle a witness to all of it balanced together. It made me have a profound hopefulness as my ego slowly came back. It was still hard to describe as the lsd was fully wearing off. I’m left with a feeling of hopefulness, feeling of love, & a great appreciation for existence. It makes me want to continue to work on myself, help others, and be a better human being overall. It was a truly eye opening experience that I hope I can adapt to better understand & exist. Still trying to adapt, acclimate, and make sense of everything. Thank you for listening & much love.