February 16, 2020
Category: Psilocybin
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So, for context this girl and I have been talking about 2 weeks and met the first time about a week ago. Psychedelic healing was one of the topics that brought us together. We had set to take mushrooms together, but we needed somewhere to go as she had her dog with her. We decided to get an Airbnb hovel on a farm. So, we drove about 3 hours to get out there, and arrived around 5pm. We quickly learned that we didn’t consider how cold it would be that night. It was already starting to drop, and eventually hit 25. This was a simple wood shack with a small propane heater. I made us some mushroom tea, myself 1.5g and her 1g. We sat and drank it as we watched something on our tablet to relax. After stomping through mud to get there my feet and socks were soaked. I set them near the heater. After a bit of time they almost caught fire and started smoking, which set of the smoke alarm. This trigger a big wave of anxiety in her and she started to panic. The alarm finally calmed down and we started to settle in again, when the host all of a sudden starts talking outside the door. She was already pacing so answered the door and he handed us pillows and said have a good night. Shortly after, the fear of being 3 hours from home, strange place, new person, everything hit her at once. She described the circle patterns in the wood ceiling as spiraling, and the shadows of the objects on the shelves were swirling and dripping. I had no visuals, but I started to feel the anxiety affect me as well and told her to come sit on the couch with me. So, I turned on chillhop and just held her hand and talked to her and tried to work on breathing. She started opening up a bit about what was scaring her, as we exchanged thoughts back and forth. She eventually told me she was afraid of having to tell her mom about all this, and their bad relationship. She started to cry as we held each other, curled up in front of our little heater. I could feel the anxiety coursing through my body, and I felt incredibly heavy but its hard to explain it wasn’t in a negative way. We kept talking and as she cried all of a sudden, I felt this wave of lightness come through my hand as if this weight had disappeared. I asked if she felt it as well and she had also. We both were amazed at how it felt. Our interpretation of the moment is something that fascinates me deeply: For her, the entire room turned yellow. Despite the reality of actually being in a wooden box, she felt as if this box was all that existed. for me, it felt like as we sat there with nothing but each other to stay warm our souls for a brief moment spoke to each other directly. I felt her pain, and I also shared in it washing away. It was one of those absolute pure moments that are impossible to describe, 2 souls touching. Her dog had been pacing the room the entire time, and it was something I felt became very apparent they fed on each other’s anxiety. After this emotional peak we smoked a bit more and both ate some food. Now being euphoric, we turned our attention to the dog. I noticed as I went to pet her one time she flinched when my hand got near. I asked if the dog had been abused, she said her ex abused them both. I had my hand on the side and spoke directly to the dog in my head trying to let it know I felt its pain and wouldn’t hurt it and it made me reflect on some moments I am not proud of myself, projecting anger on the dogs by yelling or something. We shared this moment of pain and it brought me to tears. The dog licked my face a little and curled up next to me before putting her head on my lap. My heart melted. We sat and talked a bit more about various things, lost in personal revelations and ADD rants before finally being ready to crash around midnight. We pulled out the couch bed and cuddled up to stay warm. The dog jumped between us and we were all as happy as could be. We managed to sleep about 3 or so hours before we felt bad noticing the dog was shaking. We got up, made the long drive home, and each had a beautiful day. To summarize: on valentine’s day, in a wooden shack, freezing cold, new love was born out of trying times. There is so much to be thankful for in this life, and sometimes the greatest stories/lessons start with almost setting a sock on fire. Love you all!
