omfgitsMarie

4th time smoking dmt and 4th time thinking i was going to die. but last night was sort of bad.. I took 3 hits, exhaling twice... I took just over 40 mg .. Side note: previous times ive taken, i had light panic maybe 15-20 seconds after the last exhale when it felt like i couldnt breathe, even though i was breathing fine, almost like the air was being sucked out of the room.. but as soon as the taste in my chest, (if that makes sense) went away i surrendered and things were fine.. just no break through.. this time i did not have panic during that time because i had finally accepted that part of it...and then all of a sudden I was soaring through these beautiful vibrant fractal tunnels, but faster than prior experiences and i reached a point where everything was leveled out.. but was more like an endless space but with walls.. like a long endless hallway and i saw a shadowy figure trying to lure me to go with him.. he didnt use words or gestures but i just felt that he was telling me to go and was very welcoming and positive, so i went and we drifted down these hallways that were black and white wavy horizontal pinstripes and got to a part where all these different zebra colored hallways were intersecting.. and i had opened my eyes to make sure i was still in my room.. and when i closed my eyes again i saw the same shadowy figure same hallway intersection but this time he wasn't alone, he was with an african tribal version of Roger from american dad. He was dancing a tribal dance and said something like "dance like something blah blah" i dont know what he said.. but i did not get a good vibe from him at all. All of this was cartoonish.. except this one little speck that i can assume was a glitch or maybe a portal to somewhere else but it was the only thing that didnt look like an animation and it really looked like a star in a dark sky or like garland from a christmas tree and it was silver white and red.. was shimmering too.. so my brain said.. "thats an ambulance" and somehow took it as a sign that i needed one, so i tried to convince myself that wasnt true and i opened my eyes to reach for my water.. when i reached for my water it was at normal speed but felt like i did it so fast but also slow motion.. and i had the water to my lips and i was drinking the water but i saw my hand still holding the bottle in front of me.. tripped me the fuck out.. at one point i was holding the bottle and i literally put it to my face because it felt like there was 2 of me and 2 bottles and one of them was stuck just holding it and the other i was moving.. i looked over at my brother and he looked (to me) so scared so i asked him "are you panicking? dont panic" and he said "im not" and he laughed but his face never changed from being scared to me.. then my hands just folding down and i felt like i was made of clay.. i saw my hand but everything was rounded like i shaped out of clay.. i told my brother to leave the room and i felt if i could do this alone it would be better.. i was wrong, because when i tried to close my eyes it was just black roger dancing his tribal shit and giving off the worst vibe ever.. i left my eyes open when i shouldnt have and completely panicked when my hands were collapsing into another hand that started in the same position that started collapsing on a loop that kept going . anything i focused on would collapse do the same thing and just repeating itself in the longest, most endless trails ive ever seen..The walls of my room were non existent my room was floating in a black infinite space .. its hard for me to say i forgot who i was, even though i knew who to text (my boyfriend, the one who helps ground me) and who was here in my home... but its even harder for me to explain how i was not myself and i did not recognize myself in my camera as i felt just outside of my body..or like there were 2 of me, and i lived double lives.. but in some kind of synchronized way.. i felt like i was stuck and there was no way back.. thought i broke something in my brain and this was reality for the rest of my life.. and everything was a loop.. everything i did, or said felt like i just did it over n over.. i just kept texting my boyfriend, who was very helpful in getting me back to reality.. although the phone itself looked like i could fall in it, was extremely deep.. at one point i was nervous i was going to fall inside of it.. then it was over.. #dmt #dmttrip