postponed learning

It has been many years since I have approached a hallucinogen.

The last time I did a stupid thing (note to self they are not for fun...but its in the name Fun-gi...shut up other me)
so very recently I dug around and found some shrooms I had been saving for a rainy day  (T+00)...maybe a couple of grams, old and dried out, basically a lot of just dust I thought hey probably not much potency here...threw em on some pizza and wouldnt you know it... I was right there wasn't much there at all (what can you expect from 4 year old shrooms? lmao) (T+60)... but enough to put me in that head space where you begin to become aware of your own ego and emotional states much more keenly and enough to be receptive and remind me of the reason for my journey. (T+70) I decided to make some coffee (black) and then (coffeeis an important first step to anything worth doing lol) I embraced the passion I felt in that moment and spent the next two hours working away at my own side projects until the mushrooms decided I had had enough fun and it was time to soul search.(T+170) they wouldnt stop trying to remind me why I ran from the lessons I was learning and why I hid from some of the best teachers in this life in the first place...they were tryig to tell me something i already felt inside, which is that I wasnt ready to deal with my issues and deep down I knew this and so did the mushrooms.  They had me lying on the bed 5 minutes later forcing my mind onto this one topic relentlessly until (T+210) I had to smoke some sativa, close my eyes and try and get some rest (dreams often make things clearer for me) when I woke up I felt great, refreshed and... not happy...but for the first time in a long time not angry at life and I felt lighter.
Now this year has been hard for me father died, mother sick, granddad losing his mind to dementia and its taken its toll on my ability to just simply cope with life but today was different it was a good day and I felt the call once again from my little mycological buddies and now Im begginning again on a journey of self discovery ego death and new life once again... The mushrooms are calling and I must go.