I remember

Hello, me! It's the other me. I am yet just another experience that is reading this through my other eyes. It's me. I'm you. I have always been you. And I love you!

Now... let me tell you a small story. A story about plant medicine and healing. I just came back from Ayahuasca ceremony. And let me tell you… this has been the best experience in my life I've ever had. Ayahuasca showed me what I needed to see and helped remove the blocks that I have intentionally put there myself. Ayahuasca unlocked the door, opened my mind, opened my eyes and helped me remember who I am. Before I have only heard about other people experiences and only tried to imagine what it's like when you are "out there", what is this “outside” they are talking about, what is consciousness anyway, but… now I remember everything.

We were a group about 8 people with different experiences, Perdo our shaman who guided us through this experience and two more people who overviewed the process. So if anything happened, they could also assist shaman and help us if needed. We opened the ceremony with a bonfire and a dance to energize ourselves. Then we proceeded to the healing. I never understood before why is it called plant medicine. Each of us with our own different problems, thoughts and intentions. We sat down on our designated mattresses. Pedro gave an opening speech and then… then I took my first shot. It's actually tasty. You know when you take medicine it doesn't taste good, but this is different. This is plant medicine. It’s all natural. Made by Mother Earth, made by you, made by the highest you, so that the smaller human body of you can experience the connection and remember everything.

I felt the effects kicking in about half an hour. It was very slow. Unlike DMT I smoked before where you almost instantly already see colors, shapes, fractals and the whole construct is just broken into pieces. This is different. First my tongue got numb. Then I started to forget why am I even there. Then I remembered that I was a guy, who came to Ayahuasca ceremony to take the plant medicine, so I can remember. Everything up until this point in this person’s life, in MY life, has lead to this exact point in time. Meeting all the people, having hardships, breakups, frustration, disappointments, anger, hatred, everything I, this person on the mattress has experienced, has led ME to take this medicine, so I can remember who I am.

I felt my mind slipping away. Slipping in and out of body. I felt like I can hear other people’s thoughts and mind. I understood that is my mind. We, these people in the group are one collective mind. I am me. The person on my right is me. The person on my left right is me. The shaman is me. But if I want, I can focus my consciousness on this particular body and experience things from his perspective. One experience at a time. I can still move my hands, feet, sit up and look around if I want to. Consciously. I just need to focus more on this body. Then I can move. If I don't focus, my mind is all around. All around the room. It’s running around, having fun, being free. Once I understood that, it was so funny, I just started to laugh. Other people also started to laugh. I don't know why they did it individually as people, but as a collective consciousness, it was funny. How could've I have ever forgotten who I am. It's so stupid, it's actually hilarious. It’s me, I’m God, I created this reality. I have just forgotten it. So we all had a hearty laugh. Shaman was singing healings songs for each of us individually. At some point I even though he is singing in my native language. And it was again very funny and we all bursted in laughter again.

Sometime later the assistants came closer to ask how am I doing. I said: “This is great! Just what the doctor ordered”. I got offered the next shot, but I said that I'm good. I was having a blast. It was so beautiful that I cried a bit. When I was kind of already coming out of the experience, but wasn't fully present yet, I took another shot. And I laid down, relaxed and enjoyed the show. First shot was actually a bit scary, because I felt my heart racing. Not long after, I felt that this reality is now breaking apart. My consciousness started expanding. I remembered that I have created this experience for this person. My mind continued to expand every moment. I had “A-ha” moments one after another. Each breath was another realization of who I am and how could I ever have forgotten this. Each moment was "Oh, right! Aaah! Of course! I understood now! I remember now!" Each break I took in was “Aaaaah!” And then I reached the God level consciousness. I realized that I am the consciousness in the room. I am each person individually. I created them. I created you. I God. I am everything. I created this reality. I created this person who I writing this report now and made him exactly the way I intended. I intentionally created blocks in his mind and cut off from being able to remember. And I felt like I needed to give an apology to myself. To this person who is laying there on the mattress. "Dude, I'm so sorry I put you through all of this. You had to have this experience. I'm so, so, so sorry." And then I cried. Because I remember that I'm not the person on the mattress, but I'm me, I am God, I am consciousness, I am you who is reading this, I am the person next to me, I am everyone. I can only have one experience with two eyes at the same time.

I now remember the words of Alan Watts: “We all know very well that after other people die, other people are born. And they’re all you, only you can only experience it one at a time.”. And it so true. And I have now experienced this. He knew this. I knew that. I have always know that. I have always had access to cosmos, the whole knowledge of the universe. I have simply forgotten how to do that while being stuck in down there in a body. I created you, I created everything you see around you. The material world is a construct. It's not real. It only exists in your mind. It only exists if you focus your consciousness on it. If you don't focus, the consciousness is always there. It’s all around. And when you focus your attention to this body, you can move it, feel and experience the world that You, I, have created.

At one moment when I have realized all of this, I remembered that there once was a person who took Ayahuasca and is now laying on mattress having an experience. He has a life, a wife and child who are waiting for him to get home. It all seemed like a distant memory. It sort of happened in some reality. So I wanted to go back to that experience. It was familiar and welcoming. I remember that my wife said before I left the ceremony: "Please, come back to me". So I again started to focus on the body. It was difficult at first. I was tired. It was the middle of the night. Pedro kept singing in the background. Some people vomited, some screamed, some were sleeping and snoring and me… I was simply tired. I wanted to sleep. I couldn't sleep. There was no time, no reality, only consciousness that exists all the time. I felt like I was stuck in a loop. I kept thinking about how I, the person that came here to this ceremony, that we all took Ayahuasca and... it just kept repeating. Like a loop. Everything up until this point has lead me to this. Remembering who I am. And I have accomplished that. The mission is over. No reason to continue having an experience at all. It was like a never ending loop. Time just bending on it’s self. Consciousness is all around. Always. I AM. Always. The thing is… you have to FOCUS the consciousness on one thing, in this case you have focus on this particular body to be able to experience that life. And I intentionally came back to this body to continue having this life and this experience. I was able to think clearly like never before. I have now remembered everything and understood everything. I remembered that there was a guy who took Ayahuasca and in that dimension where time exists it will eventually evaporate from the body and he will wake up from this trip. And I said "Thank you! I understand now." And slowly I was coming back to this body. I wanted to. I could stay. I can stay up there in the upper level of consciousness if I want to. But it's boring. Nothing happens. Everything is a construct. I... I want to experience my own creatiion. I created this world and I want to see what I have created from inside, from this level of consciousness, from this body, from these two eyes. I can't experience food, hug, when I am there. I can experience this when my consciousness is down here.

I now realize I'm talking to myself. I have always talked to myself. You the person reading this, you are me. I'm essentially having a conversation with myself every single time I’m talking to someone. It's amazing. It's beautiful. You are all my creation. And I love you so much. And me, this person who drank Ayahuasca and was full of hatred, depression, anxiety, felt like losing his mind… it's all gone. I am healed. There was never ever a problem. I made it all up. I remembered who I am, who I always been.

Every experience is different. Each participant had similar yet, different experience. I recommend everyone to, at least once in a life, time try Ayahuasca. To remember, to be connected again, to heal the small little human body. We are all one being, one consciousness splitting itself into billions of parts to experience itself from the inside.

When I came to, a woman approached me and asked me how I doing. I said "Amazing!" I wasn't fully present yet. When I was looking at light coming in through the window, it was flickering when I moved my eyes. It was shiny and pretty, though. We then got up. Said our thanks and proceeded to go our separate rooms to have a good night’s sleep. When I got to my room and was laying there in bed, I couldn't sleep. I needed to process all of this information I just received. The body was tired, but the mind was wide awake. I was tossing and turning till I saw daylight. Then the body finally gave up, it fell asleep, but I… I continued the trip.

In the morning I woke up fresh and rejuvenated. I'm still processing this as I write. It is one of a kind experience. No two experiences are the same. I think this is what happens when the body dies. It just goes back to this highest consciousness level and is looking for a way back to have another experience here in the lower level.

Finally I want to say thank you mother Ayahuasca for this experience, thank you, Pedro, for guiding us, delivering this medicine to us, thank you organizers and helpers of the ceremony, thank you everyone for steering my life in that direction, and thank you for reading till the end!

And if you forget, remember that you are always talking to yourself, your God’s self, through other people. And other people are you, God, creator, consciousness, or whatever your beliefs are, talking to you through this level, to remind you who you are. We are all one mind, one being, one consciousness. I created this person to bring this message to you, I created this world of you, I created you and I love you!