Conflicted. Unsure if this is the correct forum for this type of discussion. I wonder if maybe there is a specific group that would better suit the topic? If so, please let me know! There have been st... View MoreConflicted. Unsure if this is the correct forum for this type of discussion. I wonder if maybe there is a specific group that would better suit the topic? If so, please let me know! There have been struggles in my mind, as most people have them from time to time. Depression is something i am familiar with almost as if it is just my norm. I wonder to myself on sleepless nights, if we experience depression as a result of needing an awakening? I understand that chemical imbalance leads to abnormal depression, and think to myself really hard about the factors. But could our spirit be trying to tell us something? Trying to budge us closer to the discovery by making us as uncomfortable as possible? Why are we depressed? Why the imbalance? Apart from what is "normal" depression, like dealing with loss...deep depression for no reason, what is the purpose of this experience? What are we to learn from it? Some never learn anything, and just end everything, but others endure it for what feels like eternity. I just can't help but ask that question. Why is this even a thing to experience? I feel like I'm going through the most awful depression for no reason. No need to worry, I'm not a threat to myself. I am tired of it and now I understand that all of this time I am so uncomfortable, there has to be a reason. I also worry about my interest in psychedelics. I haven't used them in years. And what i am learning about DMT has me concerned that when I do try it for the first time, I am in for an experience. Most likely an extremely uncomfortable one. Because I feel that would be absolutely necessary for progress. I don't know that for sure, but I just suspect. Does anyone have any thoughts regarding this? I'm curious about what you have to say!
@skyehhigh i downloaded the pdf, i will read it later tonight when my children have gone to bed and I can focus on it. Thanks so much for posting it for me!
I liken it to a self-intervention. I “felt truth” in the idea that if i didnt remove the poison from my life i was literally going to lose my wife, my kids, my job, and all the shit i worked for. It had never hit me that way before. Intense paranoia hit me so hard i couldnt be afraid of it, i just ... View MoreI liken it to a self-intervention. I “felt truth” in the idea that if i didnt remove the poison from my life i was literally going to lose my wife, my kids, my job, and all the shit i worked for. It had never hit me that way before. Intense paranoia hit me so hard i couldnt be afraid of it, i just accepted it as a fact. If i didnt pour out the booze and stop hiding in a bottle, something bigger than me was going to take everything i loved away. I returned to my body believing my weed grinder was a button i had to press to say “i give up!” And hit it i did(weed went everywhere ;P) and there was zero part of me that had any resistence to the idea of quitting booze. It was decided and set in my mind somehow. Its hard to really explain it, and it may seem crazy or unbelievable but thats how it felt to me. The afterglow i felt so connected to everything and it was like a part of me had been removed and what was left knew what was important for the first time.
Love. Connection. Thats it. Thats what its all about. The fear doesnt matter, fear creates more fear. But love, any form of love, will inevitably create more love. I wouldnt call it frightening, though maybe from the outside it sounds like it was, id call it empowering. I was given my divinity back, although i had never actually lost it, i just had forgotten what it “looked” like... love you, and seriously, ever need an ear, im available!
I think there are many types of depression. And imbalanced brains are do not make up the majority which is partly why medication is effective in so few people.
I think theres many depressions we need to understand much better.
@BlackOrchid I have one person I consider friend, and see once a month for 5 minutes when picking something else. Have people I have known my whole life, that I only see when they need something, and only a few of them. I do not yearn for friends. From financial reasons I do not go to bars since 200... View More@BlackOrchid I have one person I consider friend, and see once a month for 5 minutes when picking something else. Have people I have known my whole life, that I only see when they need something, and only a few of them. I do not yearn for friends. From financial reasons I do not go to bars since 2006. Used to go all the time, and socialized. Hoped to find a girlfriend but never happened. I would probably go crazy without my animals.