Demonica

***Trigger warning mentions of suicide*** Took 1.4gs wet on a full stomach with some tea to help me choke it down. Initially I was planning on doing 10.4gs wet but that's not a good idea. So this trip was 7 hours started at 12am finally sober at 7am it was pure chaos and insanity thank Gods my mom was sleeping or she'd have called the police. I was listening to music just enjoying how beautiful it sounds. Then I got bullied on social media which made me want to throw my phone. Then this pure shot of adrenaline hit me put on edm and started partying hard was dancing and just enjoying myself. Then I looked at myself in the mirror and instantly started picking out my flaws that irritated me so I went back to the couch and just layed down with my eyes closed saw awesome visuals felt like the ceiling was dripping with colors and surrounding me. Then I put on healing vibrations and did some shadow work healing whatever you want to call it. Hugged myself started crying then drifted into my room. This is when the chaos starts happening. My room is really messy and it was bothering the crap out of me, the dehydrator was going and for some reason it was pissing me off so I unplug it and put it in the living room. Mind you I'm nauseous periodically so the smell started getting to me. I had a bit of pineapple and the nausea subsided. I tell you pineapple is a goddamn miracle. Anyway I light some incense and felt like my ancestors were present so I start chatting with them they're like clean your room blah blah I'm like fine fine I'm doing it. Put strobe lights synced to the music and start partying again. I spent 3 hours trying to get into my closest. I'm like shouting and crying talking about how fucked up the world is. Talking about how awesome it'd be to just commit suicide and just end it but no I have dreams and crap. Then I went to check on my mushies more veils broke and I'm annoyed cause I've been harvesting and shit all night and the smell is making me freaking nauseous. Then I start spraying them with water crying and shouting about how I want my mom to accept and love me. Pick more put it in the dehydrator. Went to get some juice as I'm drink I just think about how my mom would react if she saw my psychotic ass right now and started laughing choking on the juice calm myself down. Went back into my room started ranting about birds and how the fuckers won't eat the birdseed I put out and how I'd really like to try bird pie. Go on my phone my friends are like sis are you okay start voice chatting telling em I'm okay talking a lil about my trip. While I was thinking about the world I came to the conclusion that everyone has their own personal dumpster fire. No one's life is perfect so we all have to focus on making our dumpster fire lives a lil bit better. Start cleaning again checking old mail I've been avoiding. I had gotten some spore prints with the words spread the love from a member here so I pinned it on my vision board. Opened more mail found a letter from my doctor saying I have an abnormal test result so I pin that too. Then I start ranting again about how my neighbors must think I'm absolutely insane. Then I go out on the fire escape cause I had dropped my experiment aiming for the trash cause I was worried I'd get gnats from it. So I have no shoes I'm on the fire escape start climbing down shits rickety as shit my feet are hurting I pick it up toss it and start climbing back up. Mind you I'm ranting the entire time. Get to the top start talking about how wonderful it'd be to just jump to my death then I'm like it won't kill it'll just hurt like hell. Started mulling over different ways to commit suicide and convenience. I'm musing about how much I love New York City cause this entire time not a single should has bothered me not even the stray cats are around. Then I'm laughing about how I'm going to end up on YouTube for this. Then I'm like it this fire escape suddenly collapsed that'd be nice. Then I start talking to the Divine like I'd your going to kill me be quick about it came to the conclusion that if I was meant to die it'd have happened already. I'm recording myself the entire time to send in the group chat. Then I go back inside it's hot as shit. Started cleaning finally got into the god damn closet started breaking the massive clothes pile on the stand throwing shit away. Go into the kitchen start washing stuff and breaking failed art projects down enjoying the feeling of destroying it. At this point the sun's starting to come up and the birds start singing the ferns that are usually screaming aren't present. Start grumbling about the birds as I'm moving the WBS. I sit down and lay down on my bed realizing how exhausted I am. Got up checked on the mushrooms in the living room. The smell started making me nauseous got more pineapple and shoved it in my face until I felt better then my tounge started bothering me from the acid so throw the last piece in the dehydrator. Back in my room start cleaning some more am a bit more quiet at one point I look at myself in the mirror a few more times the second time I start laughing and smiling with my shadow self Lucy the other time I noticed how full of life my face was. Then I go out into the living room and lay on the couch so I can watch over the drying mushies partially because I didn't want my mom to mess with them. Mom comes out she's like wow your still up I'm like yep. Then she starts complaining about the dehydrator and how expensive the light bill will be I'm on my phone scrolling through Reddit I'm like I'll cover it if it's expensive she shuts up and goes back to bed. Then I start doing some divination shufflemancy specifically. Then I unplug the dehydrator and finally went to sleep. Woke up nauseous and with a killer headache for the rest of the day. Ultimately I feel very different now I'm no longer depressed and I love myself more I definitely feel freer. Oh PS I'd never commit suicide I just like thinking about what if. Oh and my shadow self changed she grew up.

So I couldn't wait to harvest the blue meanies I've got growing. I picked what I thought was an abort it weighed in at . 4gs I'm like okay it's small I can just microdose. I take it straight and I very much underestimate it. As the sun comes up I get gradually more annoyed as I'm yanking the blinds closed grumbling at the screaming birds I noticed that the mesh was floating and dancing I'm like cool but the sun was annoying me especially with my glasses off. So I lay down excited and frustrated. I was starting to get agitated so I focused on my breathing that's when I really started to feel it. My body felt super heavy and then I started having some visuals. The peak hit fairly quick then I started noticing pain the entire right side of my torso was hurting but I barely noticed it I was really gone. I had the deity Bast appear in my visuals as well as two wolves. Then I passed out hard. Honestly it's still a bit fuzzy I barely remember as it is. When I woke up I felt so nauseous and light headed. Colors were still vibrant music clearer. For some reason I was super grouchy and emotional. All and all a good experience though overwhelming as shit.