19:44:47 GMT-0700 (PDT)

The story I swore I'd never share...Net Negative: It was a normal day in mid May of this year and I was feeling the urge to trip alone. I wanted to go deep and have an experience that I would remember forever, and while I'll remember this experience forever it won't be for the reasons I hoped. It was gorgeous Saturday and when I awoke I felt a little sick to my stomach. Not so sick that it kept me home, but this weird nagging nausea that seemed to persist. I swore I wasn't going to drop acid that night unless I felt better and thankfully by about 4 p.m. I felt almost 100%. Remember set and setting doesn't just have to do with mind set and safe setting, but getting physically healthy is important aswell if you don't want to hinder your trip. Now that I was feeling well it was time to eat dinner and get to it. I dropped my first 2 tabs around 8, turned on the new Tipper album and cracked on Red Dead 2 while I waited for things to take effect. By 9.30 I felt incredible, my room was starting to sparkle and my body felt amazing, and at this point I was certain this was going to be a great trip so I said "fuck it" and dropped another tab and a half... this is where things started to take a turn. Not even 30 minutes after dropping the additional tabs I started to have horrible stomach cramps. It was sort of like I needed to take a shit, but the cramps were a bit to high for that. I didn't get scared immediately, but when I left my room to head for the bathroom I knew I was in trouble, but how much trouble I could have never predicted. Strap in ya'll, shit's about to get super fuckin weird. The lighting in my hallway is much brighter than my room and the visuals immediately kicked up about 10 notches. It looked like the floor was steamy and evaporating, and the white walls were swirling and splashed with rainbow watercolors. I had two voices playing in my head simultaneously, one that said "You're fine Travis, this is the point." but the other was much louder and it was screaming "Your stomach hurts because you took a weird research chemical and you're about to die here alone! There's no one here to help you man! This is it, this is the day you die! Get help! GET HELP!" I stumbled my way to the bathroom to try to shit but I didn't have to. The hall was bad enough but I'd it even necessary to describe the terror I felt in the bathroom? At this point my stomach hurt so bad I was afraid I was going to throw up and I was growing more and more convinced that I had taken something that wasn't all LSD.(Quick side note... I had taken this b4 and I never take anything that I haven't tested first with a reagent, and you shouldn't either if you care about your body.) I decided to call my mom and let her know I was sick, mostly because I needed to hear her comforting voice. I thought just hearing her might make me feel better... it didn't. Ring ring "Hey mom, I have the flu hella bad and I'm scared. " My mom sort of laughed and said, "You have nothing to be afraid of if it's the flu. All you can do is relax and if you're still sick in the morning I'll get you some things from the store and sit with you for a bit. " Out of my fucking mind I frantically replied, "No mom you don't understand, this isn't normal, I think I need to go to the hospital. If I get any worse I'm going to take an uber to the ER. " At this point I could hear the concern in her voice and she said, "I'll be by the phone so if you feel worse later you can call me, but I think you need to give it time and just try and relax. " I ended the conversation with my mom and trust me there'd be no relaxing from this point forward. Sometimes when you take LSD your nuts get kind of tight and on really high doses it can even be hard to piss. I noticed when I was trying to shit for the third time that my bean bag was particularly tight, and for some strange reason I became convinced in my own mind that I had lost control of my muscles, and my testicles were about to disappear into my stomach. Eventually this would cut off circulation to my testicles and I'd become the world's most lit Eunuch of all time. I'd be the Basshead Varys! At this point I'm in full panic mode and the ER is the only option in my mind. I'm looking at myself in the mirror and I'm thinking to myself "WTF Trav? You may have gained a third eye tonight but you've lost both your nuts man! That's a net negative as far as I'm concerned! Both your balls is way to high a price for a dash of enlightenment. " Having no one there to tell me I'm fuckin stupid and to chill the fuck out, I called an uber and headed to Saint Joseph's hospital in downtown Tacoma. When I got there it was a packed house and by that time I was soooooo fuckin lit I could barely see or walk straight. I stumbled up to the front desk with complete desperation in my eyes and noticed that the nurses station was being manned by maybe two of the hottest nurses I've ever seen... of course! They asked me "Hi sir, what brings you in right. " I said with a shakey voice " I'm so sorry, I took a bunch of what I think is acid and my testicles are disappearing into my stomach. " They first looked at each other, then back at me and the blond one said, "Oooookaaaaayyy? Go have a seat over there and we'll get you back right away." Now there's a thing called testicular torsion and it's as serious as a heart attack, and when you come in complaining about testicular pain they cut you to the front of the line and take you back right away, so not even five minutes passed and I hear my name called and I head to the back. I'm met by that same gorgeous blonde nurse and a female doctor. I'm there for my balls so the Dr tells me to drop my pants so she can take a look. I oblige and the doctors face goes from professional to the look of of complete annoyance. She looked away from my nut sack and back up into my eyes and with a that same tone of voice your friend gives you when you're looking for your phone and it's your hand the whole time, and she says, "Sir, you'r testicles are right there! They're not going anywhere! " I replied with the same fear I walked in with and said, "No but you don't understand, this isn't what they normally look like. They're gonna suck up into my stomach. I need these ma'am! I want to have another kid someday. " With anger and disgust she replied, "Just sit on that bed and we'll order an ultra sound, and run some blood tests. You're going to be ok." "Thank you so soooooo much. I wouldn't come here if I didn't have a problem. " The Dr just shook her head and and walked out. I'd have been embarrassed if I wasn't already terrified. Now Saint Joe's ER isn't comprised of separate rooms, but several large rooms broken apart by curtained off areas. The beeping, the sounds of screaming from patience that are truly in pain, and the smells were way too much for my heightened senses. At times the beige curtains over took my vision with splashes of colors that can't even be found in the largest box of crayons. I don't mind testing myself by tripping in weird places. I once tripped at a casino and saw Chris D'Elia and it was definitely an accomplishment I was proud of, but this was beyond anything I thought I could handle. About an hour in and still no one had checked on me. I had to piss bad so I tip toed out into the main hall to find the bathroom, and as I did I prayed no one would see, me but I'm the kid that's high on acid that thinks his balls have lost circulation...I'm the star of this show tonight. All the nurses were staring at me and I knew I'd forever be the subject of many a drunken story in the future for these folks. I felt like DJ Qualls when he gets his dick broken in front of his high school in "The New Guy." This story has gone on long enough but I have a couple more things to share. Next to me separated by just a curtain was a man probably in his 40's that was in a wheel chair. He couldn't speak and appeared to be a quadriplegic. He was there for something quite serious and his parents had taken him in. They were eastern European and spoke very little English. I wasn't able to figure out exactly why their son was there, but they were devastated by what their son was dealing with. I can't begin to describe the sadness I felt for them. At one point I could hear the husband consoling his wife in a foreign language as she balled her eyes out. These were people who despite their sons illness never turned their back on him or each other. In my mind they were a testament to how strong true love really is. I too started to cry as I listened to them. I didn't know exactly what was being said but I could feel the combination of love and sorrow so strong the it tugged ferociously at every thread in my heart. I still hope one day I can find the same kind of love they shared with each other. 8 hours in and I've had my blood drawn, vitals taken over and over, and been thrown the dirtiest looks by two separate shifts of doctors and nurses and finally it's time to have an ultrasound done on my nut sack, which by the way was completely back to normal at this point. I was wheeled back by the ultrasound tech who immediately was a breath of fresh air. He had long salt and pepper hair, a massive beard and wire framed glasses. I've seen plenty and this man was a dead head fa sho! He begins to do the ultra sound and asks me, "What brings ya in to the emergency room son?" I didn't hold back at all and told him everything down to the most minor detail. He felt like the first person I could genuinely speak to without feeling like a piece of shit and it felt incredible, but he was about to make things even better by putting my mind at ease. After listening to me with full attention he explained, "Well Trav I'm not a Dr and I can't technically tell you what happened, but I can tell you what I think happened. LSD is a vasoconstrictor and can make your testicles a bit tight. You have a muscle in your body called the cremaster muscle. This is the muscle that involuntarily controls the constriction of your penis and testicles with sudden temperature change, but also during times of complete stress. Sounds like you got pretty scared earlier and you likely triggered your fight or flight and lost some control of your cremaster muscle. From what I can see here you don't have to worry about your testicles disappearing, but you're not crazy. They were likely tighter than you ever felt, and I'm glad you decided to air on the side of caution and come down and see us tonight. Now... don't be a fuckin idiot and take acid alone ok?" I was immediately relieved and aside from the walk of shame I had to make out the door to catch an uber home I finally felt comfortable. At this point 10 hours had passed and I only had some visual distortion but I wasn't exactly "trippin bruh." When I finally arrived home it was close to 9 a.m. and I swore to myself that I'd never share this story, but I feel like it was time. I know this is a very peaceful and loving community, but trust me I don't mind if you think I'm a dumby for this one. Some of you are likely wondering if I ever tripped again... Fuck yeah! Dantes Inferno baby! I crawled into the belly of the beast just one week later because I love LSD. Grandma always told me "Laughter is the best medicine" and if this is true then I believe LSD can also be the best medicine.