Personal realization

So I've finally grown my first successful flushes :heart_eyes: and couldn't be more excited. So with not a thing to do, I planned a day trip on 4g via lemon tek so I could wander around outside. Thus far I haven't been able to make it out of my living room. The nook of my sectional provides the perfect view of everything and I can see any people coming or going. 

I'm not sure why but the last couple of times I've done lemon tek the trip seems to come on faster and faster. This time I had just picked my 2nd flush and downed my lemon cup and was brushing off excess substrate bits and loading my dehydrator when about 15 minutes in my whole body gets hot and BOOF! This is the 2nd time it's kicked off like that and I quite like it. When sober I'm easily distracted so it was doubly hard to get the rest of my mushy babies tucked in before I was flushed and nearly ready to strip naked, lmao.

After a quick clean up, I toddle out onto my front porch where I'm blasted by winter air...snow storm and all that, I had forgotten! I'm blinded by the light (heh :smile: ) the brightness and I feel spiky vibrations over my entire body. A few trips back I was able to see sound vibrations coming off of everyone and thing. Since then, even sober, I've become very sensitive to how things vibrate. Even emotions give off different vibrations. Cats get spiky when they purr :smiley_cat: after a couple minutes of fighting the light I come back inside and curl up in my normal spot and my husband wraps me in a super soft blanket. He's the best sitter ever.

I blink (so I thought) and I'm sucked into my head. It's kind of like scenes playing out on a TV or stage. Whenever I have a thought the scene changes to be about that thought. Everytime the color scheme changes too, I love that part best. At some point everything is in Spanish and I don't speak Spanish but I understood everything being said. I've been learning on and off for years and sometimes I even dream in Spanish lol. So I guess I know a lot more than I think I do...I basically told myself as much. See everytime I asked a question I'd get an answer from a voice, like my most sarcastic voice and the answer was always ended with 'dumbass' :joy:. So this goes on for what feels like ages...I try to meditate because there's so much going on it's getting chaotic. The voice yells at me to stop trying so hard and just accept the bits that I catch, not everything has to mean something. I need to learn to discern the lessons from the mindless chatter. I think about this and feel my body relax, I hadn't realized I was pretty tensed the entire time. As I relax everything fades away to colored clouds, lightening sparks, and neon geometric patterns and then everything fades to black and silence. 

I sit up and open my eyes, at some point my husband had put my sleep mask on me. I sit up and ask the time as I always do. What seemed like hours for me was only a little over an hour since I first closed my eyes! On top of that I felt completely sober...wtf just happened??? 

Now I'm ravenous and feel like I could eat everything and anything. I go in the kitchen with my heart set on a turkey and avocado sandwich with my garlic aioli that I make. I feel really euphoric and lovey like I usually do and I'm telling my husband as best I can about the different scenes and stories I experienced. Our friend/neighbor comes in as I'm telling about the voice that answers my questions but keeps calling me a dumbass and he says, 'maybe that's who you really are?' I look at him and say, 'so I'm just an asshole?' and laughed so hard I'm doubled over and tears are running. After that everything becomes hilarious and I question how sober I actually am. The warm and fuzzies last for couple more hours and the rest of my day is so calm and serene...took me forever to make the sandwich because I kept getting distracted and laughing at everything. When it was finally made, it tasted like the best thing I'd ever made.