First trip recount

Let me start by saying I did not do any research whatsoever about what to expect before trying DMT. It has been years since I've taken psilocybin mushrooms, however I have dabbled in LSD and have had quite wonderful experiences during each trip.  Until I added DMT to my understanding, my experiences with psychedelics had been extremely and profoundly pleasant. (I will get into my unpleasantness later)
 

I was at home with my partner sitting on the couch, we had just put our children down to sleep. I had a sage candle lit on the TV stand, giving a warm sense of comfort as our discussion of how to execute our trip with DMT began. Neither of us were familiar with anything like this, since it truly is different than anything we have ever tried before. We occasionally use MDMA and have had some interesting but lackluster recounts recently. LSD was a favorite between us and we enjoyed sharing each other's company during use. 
 

My partner was adamant that he heard dabbing with a nail was the best way to go, whereas I felt that sandwiching a bowl in a bong would be much more reasonable ( we do not have a vaporizer). We both agreed that one would sit quietly and be available while the other goes in.  My partner has been the pioneer of drugs between the two of us, he showed me everything I know and he is one that would prefer to "take the first toe in" to see if I can handle it. He loaded what was a small amount- maybe 10-15 mg?- onto the heated apparatus and inhaled one deep breath. I could see he was visibly flustered after he got in a breath or two, but his eyes were open and he seemed to be enjoying his visual experience. He didn't describe anything to me, but assured me this would be easily handled by me and I would enjoy it.  His vision lasted about 5 minutes, and we were aware that this was a fleeting experience. Now, it was my turn to execute. 
 

I measured about 20 mg and sandwiched it in a bowl between marijuana(I don't remember measurements of the amount of weed, but I do remember I was hesitant because I don't like to feel stoned for the most part), and some dried mint on the top- just enough to cover the DMT below. I really was afraid I'd get into a coughing fit if I used all mint, but I'm glad I went in with something I was familiar with. I really think this influenced my experience for the better. 
 My partner lit the bowl and I inhaled very deeply twice and was immediately taken down by an internal gravity force that I had never felt before. I knew I was on my couch, but my entire sense of self had disappeared. As I faintly heard my body grasping for rythmatic breaths in the echoing distance, I saw tunnels and columns in the form of circular and floral gyrations in the color of orange, yellow and white. As this was continuing to rotate,  I heard this spectacular *gongggggg* and I felt a very strong sense of warmth and welcoming flow through my body starting at my chest through my finger tips- fluid, if you will. I asked my partner to turn off the television, which was playing Rick & Morty and I wanted to hear more of the wonderful sound I just heard.  I opened my eyes, and I thought that my adventure would be confined to the walls of my mind and would end.

Nope. 
My living room looked fluid with color and the images I could see, I very distinctly remember seeing what I could only understand (or interpret as)to be a Super Mario game with a unique landscape that moved beneath my feet and was taking me across beautiful rolling hills. I am still breathing deeply to maintain composure to this intense sensation overload, but I try to describe the red mushroom-like flowers and glittering coins across these glorious hills to my partner- who now realizes he did not have an experience anywhere close to what I just did and I sensed he felt that he let me down for going into this so mentally unprepared. After a short while of seeing this spectacular spray of colors across a wonderfully pleasant cartoonscape, the visions faded and I was left stoned- not where I wanted to be. Overall, a pleasant experience. 
 

The next day: 

We had plans to go to a concert that evening, and since we live far out of town we needed to leave far in advance of the show to make sure we dropped our children off at their grandparents house. I attempted to complete our order to buy these tickets at 9:00 AM, but my partner's debit card was declining. Strange. I attempt to use another card, still declined. Both of these had ample funds to pay, so I assumed it was because his card issuer didn't like the transaction coming from where I was buying the ticket. I used mine- STILL declined. I thought about it, and I did not want anymore pending transactions to show up for either of our statements so I made the decision to stay home. Right after this, we found my daughter had cut her own hair and was having a difficult time telling us the truth about where the hair came from (she said an 80 year old lady, but that didn't seem realistic to me) and what it was doing on her bed. It turned out to be a long day, my daughter having problems with lying has become a bigger issue and I took this as an opportunity to educate her on why this needed to stop. 
 

As the day continued, I was a little sad about the concert we were missing so I made the decision to take a half of an ecstasy press that I had intended on taking that night. As I enjoyed a mildly pleasant roll and played with my kids and finished our chores, it was eventually time for bed and I put the kids to sleep. I felt like it might be a good night to take some time to enjoy ourselves, so my partner and I agreed that we would take a hit of LSD (maybe 230 ug??) and we put on some trippy music videos to start the night off. We talked about how we both felt there was more to see from our DMT experience the night before, and we agreed to take another hit- only this time, my partner sought to be a pioneer between the two of us. As a LSD trip is in full bloom, my partner loads about 50 mg of DMT onto a bed of weed, then sprinkles a few more very small broken nugs across the top. Then, we topped the bowl off with an even layer of mint. He took a picture of his hit and sent it to his friend, who is an avid user, and asked if the amount he measured out was too much. His response was simply a rocket emoji, and my partner took this as a green light to go. 
He inhaled twice and was immediately thrown back into a trip I couldn't retell for him. It lasted about 20 minutes. He admitted, after he came around, that it became insanely frightening and I had asked if having my voice intervening at any time had helped (telling him to take even breaths, focus on what he could see and where it was taking him). He said it did, but couldn't determine if it would be different if I hadn't. 
 

Now, I was about to blast off. As a reminder, I was tripping pretty hard on LSD with full visual effects both physically and mentally before this, and I was unaware of how being this mentally uninhibited could affect what I might see. I measured out a bowl about 35 mg, and used entirely mint leaves to sandwich with the bowl before I ripped the bong twice. 

I saw a (shuttering still, when I think about it) a rotating head with at least 10 faces, colors were familiarly orange yellow and white. Then it slowly became a formed being with a body for a moment before it sped off and I found myself in a tunnel of orange, yellow and white- very similar to what I had seen the night before. This continued for what seemed only a few moments before the scenery changed into darkness and I was on a finite plane, similar to a sundial compass. I had very strong invoked emotions about my children, and I saw their lives unfolding beautifully on the right side of this compass with incredibly vivid colors. Quickly, flawlessly, innocent. The images are indescribable, as I'm brought to tears just recalling what I was seeing. I thought about the fears I have for them through their life that I can't protect them from, and the left side of the sundial- which has been in darkness and autonomous- crept into my vision with a thousand horrific grimaces that sent me into a fright. I tried to direct my thoughts toward my children and pull more of the lighted, warm side of the compass back. My fear was digging roots into the plane and was pulling it toward darkness where the number of grimacing faces grew, and I felt a very deep rumbling sensation through my body. It felt as though it was pulling me downward into the vast sea of menacing, sharp toothed beings, but I couldn't bear to see the sight of my children's well-being leave. 

It was at this time I suddenly gained a sense of self awareness and told my partner to turn on the lights immediately. I opened my eyes and was able to pull myself off the floor, which I had been laying completely flat on. I had the remote for our TV sitting nearby, so I pushed the media button to try and play a music video to invoke more positive energy. As I had feared, this menacing grimace was extending beyond what I saw with my eyes closed and was manifesting itself in extremely negative ways. The words I was reading on the television while frantically searching for some positive relief were extremely unsettling- "this is the end" "unhinged" "love is gone". Images attached to the music video titles took on a very scary, dark eyed grimace- similar to that what had been pursuing me from my sundial plane. Finally, I had managed to play a song that I associated with pleasant love in the life, and the DMT veil that was over my eyes seemed to vanish almost instantly. 
 

I was very unsettled by this experience, and as luck would have, I was still managing a full blown acid trip that would end up replaying the experience repeatedly in my mind for the next 10 hours. My partner's tab must not have had the same dose that I did, he was asleep within an hour after the event and I was left to be by myself while this repeating vision in my head manifested over and over again. 
 

 I wish I hadn't done the second night, and I wish I hadn't seen what I did. I don't know if these visions fade over time, or if I'm stuck with this dreamlike recount to be replayed in my head forever.

I can't stop thinking about it, and I don't know if I will ever be able to bring myself to peer beyond the veil with DMT again.