My mushie trip beat me up!

Okay, I know it’s 5 days later, but I’m ready to talk about my trip. First let me say, I’ve only ever tripped on mushrooms 3 other times. I generally feel like shrooms are just too mellow for me. A good friend of mine (that I have tripped with on LSD and MDMA multiple times in the past) recently went through a breakup, and I was happy to join him for this trip, because I knew he wanted to work through some stuff and still have a decent time doing it lol. Ground up a little over an 1/8 each, put that shit on a slice of bread with peanut butter, and decided on stand up comedy while we waited. (Tom Segura if anyone cares lol) Now one of my favorite things about psychedelics is the connection, what I mean by that is not only the connection you feel to each other, the world, the universe...but also the connections you make between things/events/thoughts/etc. about a half hour in, I started to feel the twinge of anxiety I get on the come up. No big deal, I recognize the feeling and quickly acknowledge it and let it pass. We went outside, the grass was cool and dewy from the night air. My feet felt like they were sinking into the earth, like walking on foam, sturdy but it gave a little beneath each step. The stars blinked in repetitious patterns. And every time I turned my head to look at something the world seemed like it was in slow motion. I felt great. Then I didn’t. 2 hours in I remembered exactly why I don’t care for shrooms. Self reflection went from 0-100 in a fraction of seconds and I felt like I couldn’t even speak because nothing was coming out of my mouth the way I intended. I over analyzed every single thought in my head, every single sentence I spoke, to the point that I couldn’t find a single reason to like myself. I apologized to my friend for not contributing much to the conversation and went to the bathroom to splash some water on my face and remind myself that I was on drugs and wouldn’t feel that way in a few hours. Looking in the mirror (I know, not the best to do when you are borderline freaking out), my skin looked weird and smooth, like clay or paint, and suddenly everything felt pointless. Makeup, hair, clothes, tiny stupid things we revolve our lives around...and I felt indifferent about it. My sister came over to visit about 4 1/2 hours in. It helped. She kept the conversation light and fun. We watched a few interesting videos on DMT and talked for awhile about it, our interest, what draws us, what scares us, and whether or not we felt ready for it. (All 3 of us agreed if it was offered right then we would probably decline.) After a few hours sleep I headed home. Here’s what I took from it. I didn’t have a terrible time, but I had a difficult trip, mentally. I realized that, while I whole heartedly believe psychedelics have helped me, in so many ways...the last few times I think I have been stuck in “self reflection” mode. I’ve been coming to all these great realizations about myself, things I need to change, etc...but not doing the work. I haven’t been integrating the lessons in a functional way. That day my wife and I had an incredibly honest, emotional, and positive conversation about it, and for the first time in a while I feel like we are back on the same page. My final thoughts...did it go the way I wanted it to? No. Did it go the way it needed to? Yes. Are mushrooms for me? lol i don’t think so, but then again maybe I need the accountability check every so often.