A true entheogen...in my experience. My 2nd journey with synthetic 5MeO-DMT. Another Sacred Encounter

Greetings fellow seekers and Lovers of the Light

My second experience with 5MeO-DMT can also be found here for those you know not in this forum...

https://forums.5meodmt.org/index.php?topic=50962.0

THIS IS NOT A SUGGESTION TO DO 5MeO-DMT.  It is only my experience.  See disclaimer below my trip report.

For the second time in six months I've experienced a state of sublime that has left me wondering...

I wonder, why we, as a species, especially in the west, are so caught down in the everyday.

I wonder, how the perpetuation of the lie, "you have to..." is so strong and pervasive in our society and becoming more and more prevelent in the world.

I wonder, if the "conscious shift" will ever reach a point of "enough" souls to share a better more loving and kind collective dream of life.

I wonder, why I'm still here and what is there that I really "need" to do.

I wonder, if "yoga teachers" will ever slow down enough to start teaching yoga.

I wonder, why money is our god today and why we don't own that thought so we can change it.

I wonder about this kindness bestowed to me.

I wonder, what it will be like next time.

I wonder how there can be so much Gratitue, Joy and Love...

As I prepared for my second journey with synthetic 5MeO-DMT apprehension was noticed then outright fear was what I observed as I set up a sacred space in our living room.  My wonderful spouse helped move the furniture and place a special rug in the center of the room. She would be my sitter this time which was also a source of some concern.  I was thoughtful to what she could possibly witness or have to do if things were not pleasant.  I oriented my yoga mat and pillow at the head to face the west.  The setting was complete.  Next, the music was set up to play.

Earlier I crushed some fresh mint and pressed it into the bowl of my small bong then sprinkled in the the nearly 15mg freebase crystal with another small amount of mint on top.  My original guide suggested this so as not to burn the crystal with an open flame which would render it useless.  I tamped it gently hoping it was not too much substrate.

I settled on the mat.  I looked at my wife and announced that I was scared.  

By now I had come to know the potential of this substance and the possible uncomfortable outcomes having seen too many aweful videos and having read too many accounts of terrible experiences.  It made me question the reason for such experiences.  My hope was that these were largely brought on by the ego's inability to let go into the experience and the need for it to make sense and the ego's need to be aware through the entire process of the moments which occur.  It is my belief that annihilation must be the ego's greatest concern.

Since my first experience in May, (see rafaelmacario.com if interested) I have read books, seen videos and spoken to experts in this work amd have come to an understanding of how much respect, integrity and intention would be best to go into the use of this true entheogen.  I also understood from them that the beauty and glory to be experienced and the essence of the oneness of the universe is also a repeatable phenomenon.

It was a mindful and purposeful day so far.  We had been to a yoga class in the morning, had a lunch together and had bonded some.  My heart was calm and somewhat open already and my mind was in a quiet space.  No matter what fear I did feel I yearned to that white space again and experience "That" which is all and the loving nature of what Is.  To have this experience had been on my heart and mind for about a month.  The timing, set and setting were all that I was waiting for.  September 10, 2019 would be my second coming, so-to-speak.

I started my ritual of settling my mind and becoming present to the moment we were in.  It isn't that I'm religious or look to idols but I have found the practice of some focusing activity like the one I'll describe to calm and focus my mind to the present.  As I focused my attention on "calling in the directions", something I learned doing "men's work", my wife sat and subtly started playing one of her singing bowls.  We both witnessed each other creating a container together for the first time in this manner.  I don't take that intention for granted.  I have a deeper appreciation for her as my partner.

I finished and asked her for silence.  She came closer, we looked in each other's eyes and I stated, "I'm scared" with a sheepish smile.  She smiled and acknowledged my fear and handed me the pipe.  She said.  "You just have to decide."  It was time.

Before I started I proposed that if it looked like I was struggling to have her place her hand gently on my forehead to ground me as my original guide professed during my first session.  She nodded in understanding.  She was calm and I sensed she was in this moment with me and no matter what, she had my back.

She held the bottom of the pipe as I started.  I fired the lighter and slowly heated the herb.  I drew slowly and steadily as the mint started to smoke.  I could see the red embers grow as I drew the smoke into the glass chamber.  I started to taste some of the 5MeO.  I thought I had gotten enough pulled the bowl and inhaled all the smoke from the chamber then let go of the pipe into her care.  I held my breath and layed back on the pillow.

I felt a buzzing sensation in my head and released the breath, though it would turn out to be too early.

I immediately felt fear vanish as my heart started slowing after beating strongly and rapidly in the beginning.  The thought, "how silly you are to be afraid" occurred to me.  I relaxed and felt a sense of safety.  I knew I hadn't gotten enough of a hit so I asked my wife for the pipe and sat back up to hit it again.  This time I took a much longer draw and the taste of crystal was much stronger.  I inhaled all I could.  Again, I let go of the pipe and layed back.  The sensations of vibration and heart opening rushed over me and were quickly overwhelming.  I felt the sense of me or I slip away and became an observer.  

It is a challenge to describe the experience from this point.  There was awareness during the entire journey but the perspective was like that of an observer.  The emotional state was that of overwhelming Gratitude, Joy and Love only.  It felt like the body was a vessel now and was moved to sing.  The music I used was Brian Eno, "Discreet Music".  "I" could hear the body singing "I love you" in harmony with the music as though that was the meaning of the notes in Eno's music.  The voice was very high like falsetto but felt totally natural and also as though it was singing through my body.  It was so foreign to hear.  It was soothing and felt as though it was not "my voice" but that of "The One" using my body to express it's nature.

The neck arched, head tilted back, mouth now wide, waves of Love and Joy surged through the whole body, the heart burst open, tears started to stream from the eyes.  Sounds eminated from deep within the body uttering "I love you" in song over and over as if the universe was singing the body as an instrument.  It sang my wife's name, my original guide's name, ecstasy was my being and the feeling of orgasm from everywhere was present.  (if you can imagine at the end of the movie "The Fifth Element"  That's kind of what it would look like)

My God... how... why... what is this purpose?  Gratitude... More sound through my body.

How beautiful the resonence of the sound and vibration moving through me.  Like being a singing bowl struck perfectly to create an ideal vibration harmonizing with all of existance.  No pain, no thought, no meaning-making-bullshit in my mind, only the riding of the experience and "being the note".  Awe to infinity.  Gratitude for the experience, again, in this life before I die and to live to express it to others so they might be inspired to seek more than the mundane our made up societies instill into us.  There is so much more.  We must slow down.  It is here for us all and does not cost a penny.  All that is required is the willingness to seek it.  It's true.

I knew I was not going to witness the pure light this time but it didn't matter.  This was so much more than enough.  As I started to descend the thought of taking another hit occurred but I resisted.  I don't know why.  I was sure there was more in the bowl but did not want to go further at that moment.  I was so content just to be.

I sat up.  I was in a simple cross legged position which felt natural and right at the time.  I started moving my limbs in a symetrical fashion.  It seemed like QiGong.  I was like light.  Every movement of my body divine.  I moved slowly but without any thought of what I looked like.  I flowed like water or fire being ever so subtly moved by air or a divine breath. My consciousness looked at me and as I noticed I saw a reflection of crystal white and infinite black as a body, yin and yang... my mind shimmered. Tears flowed.  More gratitude.  "Fuck..." then elation.

I gently touched my face.  My hands were cool and dry.  My face felt warm and the sensation sent waves of gratitude for my life through my mind.  Awe...

By now I could feel my breath passing inside my body.  When I inhaled I noticed the inside of the center of my chest.  An idea emerged of embers from the intersection of my collar bones to my belly button. When I breathed in it was slow enough not to move a flame.  I observed the most exquisite sensation radiating throughout my torso.  It was like heat but what was stoked was the most profound sense of Love.  Imagine if you blew gently on a log attemtping to sweetly ignite a flame.  A new essense of sensation swept through my soul.  When I sat still and noticed this phenomenon it remained.  It reminded me of when yoga teachers announce to focus on the breathe, I thought, "this is what that means!, what idiots!, they don't know what they are talking about.  This is it!"  It's the gentleness though not just the breathing, it's how it feels as we do it.  Stillness is the key.  How it is so missed.  This is something I continue feel today as I write the experience and simply focus my attention on the breathing in this subtle and ever-so-slow manner.  It is akin to tasting the most delicious, sweetest necter for the first time and what happens when we notice and appreciate the new experience.

Later, the realization occurred to me, how we continue to think we are moving slow enough to "see" to "experience" life.  I've not been able to do it on my own at this depth.  This miracle of a molecule takes me to a much higher level.  It slows my being down to "NOW" and allows me to experience it.  My thousands of hours of meditation has not been enough, so far.  Good God.  Good God.  Good God.

How can I be in this space without the use of this "Master Teacher"?  Will I ever "still" enough before this body dies?

I cannot say this is an experience of God but it is something so perfect that whatever created it must be smiling, if it can, when it notices us having it.  Angels must sing if there are such beings.  In the face of experience it doesn't matter if they exist or not.

It is an experience from which religions are born most likely.  That would make sense to me.

I was calm throughout and so grateful.  My wife appeared to me as a perfect angel when I sat up and we "eye gazed".  Wow, was she amazing, not moving, just noticing, and simply being there for me.  This is the ultimate act of love, to me, to sit quietly for another and be as still as possible.  I felt so grateful for her.  We were quiet for some time then I asked her to describe what she saw which validated where I was in my experience.

My intention was to experience Sacred and overwhelming Gratitude, Joy and Love coursing through this body in a way I have not otherwise.  Mission accomplished.  It happened and has validated that using 5MeO-DMT in this manner, for me, is possible to produce this affect.  It has allowed me to have a deeper connection with all of life as well as a deeper appreciation for Life.

Til next time...

DISCLAIMER:
My experience may be unique and is definitely not everyones.  This entheogen is not for everyone.  This is not like other psychedelic substances I've encountered which last much longer and the "ego" is there every nanosecond of the ride.  It is the most powerful and overwhelming experience of surrendering consciously while aware I've ever known.  (I'm not suggesting it but...If you do decide it is for you then:  Seek out videos and reports of all experiences so you know what is possible.  Seek out those who have had many experiences with this substance and older experts who practice transpersonal psychology (my opinion only) if you are looking for healing.  I understand the unpleasant side because of what I've read and seen and heard from others directly or indirectly.  I'm not suggesting to do it but it would be wonderful if everyone who is seeking could have an experience like mine or more amazing and experience the same Sacred connection, ecstasy and wonder. I make up that it would change anyone's entire appreciation for our existence and Life itself. I am not suggesting to have an experience with 5MeO-DMT or any other substance.  Do research if you are seeking to have the experience.  There are only a few good, conscious and most importantly "selfless" practitioners out there.  Do your research and seek out what harm reduction means.  Do your research and see what it means to be a good facilitator, sitter, practitioner.  Money and Ego will NOT be part of the description. Don't be fooled into thinking a "shaman" or "guide" or some "authority figure" or "counselor" or "coach" is necessary to have the experience either. They will keep you safe.  Do your research. The molecule, 5MeO-DMT, is the Master here.  There is not a noticeable difference between the synthetic form or venom from Bufo Alvarius.  Don't use the venom.  These gentle creatures are endangered and should be left alone. This is not a suggestion to do 5MeO-DMT.

dose... approximately 15mg synthetic, freebase form, smoked from a bong placed in the bowl in layers of crushed mint leaf, 5MeO-DMT, crushed mint leaf, slow steady draw, hold breath to capacity, lay back and let go. (I took two hits this time.  the first was not enough)