Multiple Experiences Relating to Each Other pt 1

So, as the title would suggest, this isn't about just one trip. I had quite a few different, but all related, experiences over the course of about a month. Before all of this, I'd definitely never had a breakthrough on psychedelics. I had felt the loving nature of them, had laughs, and even some tears; but I had never had the experience that I felt I wanted/needed. I started noticing myself being pulled to LSD in particular. I even felt as though I was being denied access to other experiences because I was SUPPOSED to have some specific event with LSD. It almost felt silly to believe it, but I couldn't help feeling that way. So, fastforward to bicycle day. We were going camping, I was going to do LSD while my partner did cactus. I told him I felt that it was what I was supposed to do that night, and luckily they have similar trip lengths - so we agreed. I only took one tab, we were just camping at some state park. I had no intention of it being a wild night. That all mattered very little because at the peak of the trip we decided to take some RSO. At that point, I was all giggles, visuals, and enjoying the time in the campground. We went to the campground restroom, where the harsh lighting gave the visuals even more life than they'd had in the dark. I gave myself a glimpse in the mirror - and luckily that was fine. Weird like it always is, but for some reason I almost cannot resist a peak at myself while I'm tripping. I went back outside, and my boyfriend was still in the bathroom, so I found myself looking around. When I looked into the orange circles of light casted by the outside bulbs, I began to see spinning symbols that would brighten and dim in their rotation. They looked like Aztec symbols, with faces and the points - similar to the calender. When he got out of the bathroom, we made our way back to the tent.I can't remember if we spent much more time outside of the tent after that. It was April, so it was getting quite cold. I do know we moved into the tent, and began to cuddle to keep warm. I know he was playing things on his phone, but I was just laying there... letting my mind wonder, and boy did it go. Suddenly everything was rushing so fast. I was seeing everything. I then saw how everything just played into some big cosmic joke. I started laughing so hard, and I just could not stop. My boyfriend didn't realize what was happening - he thought I was laughing at the Tim and Eric on his phone. "I promise it's not that funny" he said. And I told him he was right, that if I tried to explain to him what was going on, it wouldn't be that funny. I managed to get out "I just got the joke" and he actually DID get what I was talking about. Looking back it is funny, he apologized for not knowing what was going on. I remember feeling overwhelmed. I felt like this crazy profound event had just happened so unexpectedly. It felt weird and awkward to talk about, so I went back to cuddling and being quiet after talking a little. Then, it was like this less fun version of it happened. It was a flood of images, but this time they had a lot to do with my childhood and things from my grandma's house (probably my most recent loss in life was her, and I hadn't seen her as much as I would have liked before she passed) and other things that just felt so heavily sad. I began to cry. He asked me if I was OK, and I told him I was, just sad. Then, I realized that he was EVERYTHING to me. I am in pure true love with this man. I began to feel as though my life was a book. Like I could feel the pages being ran through, the pencil lead running out, this extreme sense that THE. END. in big bold capital letter was coming. I saw my hand on his chest, but it wasn't just my hand on his chest. It was simultaneously a hand clad in one of those purple shirts that has a ring for the middle finger on a book. I lifted my hand and said out loud "this is the end of my story" (or at least I think I said it outloud). I thought I could feel a bullet in the chamber, see the book closing, the end of the tunnel with the light... it was all so fast. I felt all of eternity in that moment somehow. I then thought I was dead. It looked like a sound wave depiction, I was one side and he was another. I was screaming for him to trust me, that I was buying us time together in the universe by taking up space. Sadly, I was also apparently screaming these things for real in a tent in the middle of a state park. I was absolutely unphased by him putting his hand over my mouth. Looking back, we believe that really saved us from getting into some deep shit and worked as well as it did because i just trust him so much. From there, everything is this weird blur of images. I just knew my life was a book and that the end was nearing. My amazing hero of a boyfriend couldn't convince me otherwise for quite some time, but did get me safely into the car where my noise wouldn't be such a danger to our wellbeing. I know that I was in and out of my body that night. I know he had to witness my body as an empty shell. I am thankful that I do not have more memory of that. That man deserves a lot for what he has dealt with, this night and some others. This has gotten crazy long already, and I am on my phone. I'm going to do this in parts I think now. So I'll take a break for now and post more details to come. Next part DMT, then after that... how weed kept making me detach from myself and the returning to normal. Hope yall come back for the next installment of my psychedelic chronicles.