XuOut

My 15 gram Mushroom Trip   Let me start out by giving you a bit about my background, I am 53 years old. I suffer from severe depression. I was abused terribly by my parents, both physically and mentally. I was abandoned in Las Vegas by my mother when I was 14. She was convicted of abuse and neglect. I was emancipated by the state at 17 and went to work doing construction. By this time I was well on my way to being an addict. My entire life has been spent chasing the next high, It doesn't matter what. I've tried almost everything, PCP, cocaine, marijuana, LSD, huffed freon, and even tried mushrooms once. I never really cared for opiates, but I would take them if nothing else was available. I literally took a bong hit once an hour every waking hour for decades. Every aspect of my life revolved around getting high. I have scars all over my face and body from picking at myself wacked out on meth. I started meditating about 20 years ago, but didn't really get serious until about 5 years ago. I entered the ghanas a few times 3 years ago in 2017. I had read about the life changing benefits of the heroic dose and decided I would try it. I ordered 12 spore syringes online. They all appeared to be viable, but due to my inexperience growing mushrooms the first 7 syringes were wasted, but I was able to get one flush from 11 brf cakes of B +. I prepared my bedroom for the trip. I put up some black light posters, prepared a playlist of songs, and downloaded some movies that were supposed to be fun to watch while tripping. I ate 5 grams and after 2 hours the effects seemed pretty minimal so I took 5 more grams. At this point I started to lose track of time, but after a while I decided that since I hadn't experienced ego loss that I should take some more, so I took 5 more grams. As I started to really trip I tried listening to Lorde's album Pure Heroine. It was the first time that I had enjoyed music in years. My depression had taken that small joy from me. When the album ended I was in full trip mode. I could see fractals everywhere, the air would turn thick and misty, and if I looked in the mirror strange things would happen to my face including having the skin melt away starting under my right eye. It looked just like candle wax rolling down my face. None of that interested me in the least though. My consciousness kind of seperated from my body. I went and lay down in my bed and closed my eyes. I started to meditate by following my breath. Almost immediately I was in the ghanas again. I kept following my breath until I was in a dark place where there was nothing left but the breath. I could see the essence of me and there was nothing there but a pair of disembodied wings swirling in a circle around my breath. I was literally gone, nothing but breath and joy. All my problems had fallen away and only my pure essence was left. I remember thinking that I had entered nirvana and I never wanted to leave. I laughed hysterically. Time became somewhat more pliable stretching and slowing. My breathing slowed to a crawl with each breath seeming to last an eternity. The joy I felt was unparalleled in my experience. I definitely was no longer myself. Out of my mind would be a good description. I could see my ego/mind/self in a very analytical way.  It seemed as if I could see strings that attached my abuse to my addiction. Direct cause and effect were visible to me, but the strings had somehow been cut. I no longer had any attachment to the causes. It seemed like my pure soul had risen up. I could sense the poor sad suffering me. He was in the room, but it wasn't me. I kept laughing off and on for an hour or two. The pure joy of having dropped all my baggage was so wonderful. I seemed to remember everything from my life, but was mostly focused on my relationship with my mother. I remembered all the horrible things she had done and continues to do. That was how my trip ended. As the mushrooms wore off I went from the ghanas to reliving my abused life with my parents. I spent another hour or two contemplating how to deal with my mother which was a bit of a bummer. On the bright side however, I think my addiction is gone. For the first time in my life I don't want to escape from myself. I plan on microdosing from now on with a major trip once in a while. I'm just taking 10 grams from the jump from now on though. Mushrooms definitely changed my life for the better.