Cyanescensei

I took 6 grams of cyanescens and 2g of Pe6 What send me into the trip was I took mushrooms and then a few hours later took more. So as one wave of trips ended the other began there was no moments of clarity it was a solid 7 hour trip with no breaks. Because I kept seeing loops of what I did in the past as an echo I kept seeing myself take more mushrooms. I wasnt sure what was reality and if I was. I convinced myself I'll never get out of the state I was in because I kept taking more in my loop. I wasnt, but I didnt know that at the time. I thought I was suspended in this loop of taking mushrooms and going into the trip. I started begging my ex mrs crying for it to stop because I thought she was the almighty the person who would take me to the next life. I thought the loops was being created by her to prepare me for what next. The Devine complete nothingness and everything at the same time. The only way out or atleast how it felt was I had to except there was no coming back I pushed it too far. I had to watch my sanity crumble into nothingness and then my being itself. I was stuck in a loop and couldn't get out of seeing the worlds creation and my own death. getting to the point of true death and a brilliant white light.. and being looped back to the start of the big bang watching the world create in hyper speed and getting to the point where I took the mushrooms and hit the floor. my mind imploaded and desolved at this point I was begging for psysical death just for it to stop but it would loop again. Every loop my self constructs faded. my ability to talk and move was fading my eyes were fluttering at 1000 times a second. About an hour in I was just seeing the loop of me taking mushrooms and going into my trip and becoming trapped. and accepting I've pushed it and will be in this loop forever lifeless on life support. The more I fought it the more intense it became. I accepted it and was taken into a cosmos of fuckery it showed me the whole of life being created was just so I'd find mushrooms take them and get trapped in the loop everything that had ever happened was to lead to this point. Like I was the end of existance itself and was trapped in this endless cycle of creation. I was suspended in the complete end of everything the true nothingness but the creation of everything. I obviously cant put into words the lessons and the things I saw but I learnt that there is no parallel worlds there is no after life no higher power we are all here because we are the perfect state of everything everything loops but each time we reach the end it pulses a little more forward each time and loops again. We are all connected and everyone creates there own world around them. It taught me that if we are to loop again and again then you must make the most beautiful experiences you can. Always treat people beautifully because nothing matters but everything does at the same time. I couldn't walk I was laid on the bed eyes fluttering a million times a second I couldn't even breath. Everytime I got to the end of the loop I'd exhale really hard like a death rattle and be pinged back again. I longed for my physical death to get out of it because I thought if my brain died I'd be free. I had to except I was trapped and that everything led to this point so I could become the next creator trapped in a loop to be able to continue the cycle of life. So much grief and anger so much pain but it was beautiful absolutly incredible. Me and my mrs was in it together and I remember the point of realisation I was trapped and I told her everything will be okay this will end. Everytime I kept thinking it was ending it was just playing the next part of the loop like a pulse I watched myself die and rot looking at myself from the ceiling. When I trip I get it in waves but 3 waves at a time I get the bad the good and my 3rd eye. Each time the "bad" gets more intense and the more I run from it the more it get attracted to me. I saw the end of my life I watched my own death, I was gray and laid on the bed At one point i was convinced nothing was real and I was an aninal in an alien looking woods on another planet paralysed from eating a plant or mushroom And that humans and everything I knew wasnt real and just a huge trip and construct of my own animal mind. I went to a demonic castle made of red cracked sandstone and fought demons ripping them apart and blasting bolts of light at them. Rough edit together. I'll spend some time editing and rewording and adding bits as I get time and process them myself.

I couldn't explain how amazing my last trip was I didn't go in for a laugh it was spiritual and very self discovering. I almost felt like I was existence itself and everything made sense I was everything and nothing at the same time. Time was/is completely irrelevant. The hub of my journey was a big still lake with trees and and sand really bright and warm I remember crying my eyes out with happiness and pure bliss. My trips would come as ripples the lake was like time and existance itself and everything I thought said heard felt or did would cause the lake to start to ripple and then PING I was somewhere else completely. Like on the picture frames in Mario 64. I remember seeing every different trait I have as a person as a fragment and seeing them all combine to make me. I was 1000 people but controlled everyone of them at the same time but individually. Later I asked for some self discovery and to help me fight my dark past and abuse and traumas and I was shot into a fucking cosmos of understanding and self discovery. It got a little dark like a flip book but each page was my most darkest horrible parts and the next page would be my most beautiful pure inerchild and I would flip back and forth like I was watching the balance of my existance my good and bad weigh out in a constant battle until I understood that everything is exactly how it should be. Everything is perfect and nothing matters unless it matters but everything you do has a huge ripple through existance itself its effects everything and nothing at the same time. I'm still making sense of it really so much more happened so many more realities but that's the just of it.