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Hi Guy, It's been a while, sorry for just fading away like that, I feel we owe each other more care than what i showed by not posting in so long without letting anyone know how i was. The last months have been an intense period for me, full of unusually high highs and low lows, hard lessons still unprocessed! I went way out of my comfort zone to create the biggest event ive ever done without the help of my amazingly capable wife. The five day retreat part of a 13 month preparation for and integration of psychedelic experiences was, due to my lack or organization a chaotic if not life changing event for all. Despite the incoherent nature of the sessions and the stormy weather, perhaps because of it everyone had profound experiences that thanks to their devoted 30 day prep and strong integration practices in place, seem to be getting true benefit. For this Im so grateful as doubt and fear I'd be responsible for a negative outcome almost crippled me. in the end when it came to my lead the LSD ceremony my higher self kicked in and all reported feeling safe and supported. This is the positive i take that is keeping me afloat. i'm very hard in myself and attain to high standards. Now im hoping to find a balance between self acceptance and maintaining the motivation to improve on my blatant shortcomings. After 30 years of practice seeing I've fooled myself is a rude awakening ! For me it was a like a five day ayahuasca trip. I learned I'm no leader, discovered my motivation for doing healing work and teaching spirituality was tainted with an ego centered desire to be special. Going forward ive put all ideas of wearing the cap of teacher, facilitator, healer etc on the back burner and going into a period a introspection to either find a new way to serve or purify my intent. It's painful, like a part of me is dying, even though that part has served its purpose and Im trying to honor it. Ive always tried to use these posts as a kind of journal and hope you'll read this a such. As i work out how to approach my integration I make a pledge to be as transparent as possible and try to cultivate greater humility and non judgmental acceptance of what ever arises. Life's a trip!