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Hemangiosarcoma. Please I beg of all of you that have dogs above 50lbs to take them to the vet and have the preliminary testing done. It is "THE" silent killer. These pictures of him on the couch and playing with his new toy I got that day were taken around 12:30pm. The picture in the car was taken at 3pm as we were rushing him to Emergency surgery. The picture of him laying on the floor was taken around 9pm when the DR said just take him home and enjoy your time with him. His name is Tank I've him for roughly 11 years. Some of you know of him. He brings so much light into everyone's day. I routinely take him to the vet. If you don't test for it you'll never know. I watched him play with his new toy. Then unbeknownst to be he had a tumor and it ruptured. He then had a seizure. He was being so brave for me. No surgery will save him no chemo. I took some pills today to cope with the inevitable. I'm watching my child/family member/guardian/protector/best friend die. He's on medicine so he can be comfortable. I know I have to stay strong for him. He licked my tears off my face last night,still trying to be my Guardian. He's in bed resting with my best friend. I got up and went into the living room to cry and not disturb him while I write this. I spoke with some of my really close friends that have known him for years and they both are scared for me because they know or fear how I'll react in regards to me losing my shit and going off the deep end. I didn't have the ability to lie to them and say I'll be fine because they know the truth. I won't be.I took a leave of absence from work. Don't care. I'm going to be staying with my friend (so she can keep me semi curtailed) She loves him so much as well. Tank is like her child as well. He keeps us both relatively in line. I've dealt with the loss of life before. Some of my friends have pictures of him hanging up in their home, that's the way he touches people. In my friend group that's the impact he has. The random people that have met him especially the children and elderly love him. I don't really have much more to say other than how I started this post about what is going to kill him. I know this might sound foolish to some,he kept me from killing myself a few times. The way he looked at me in 2019 when I planned to pull the trigger stopped me. Seeing your dog cry while you loaded your gun for the final time and wrote a letter for each person, snapped me out of it. The fear of not knowing what'll happen for sure to him made me realize what the fuck I was doing. When I stopped shooting up in late 2020 praying death would come that way. I even went as far as making a plan with my friend to take him "if" something happened to me. Tank Noor and the Mushrooms really snapped me out of that hole I was in. I was able to cover up to the world what was going on internally at that time. Now to have my life 4 years later spiraling bringing me back to hopelessness deep down while trying to keep it together is a place I thought I'd never be again. I feel the ultimate case of the "fuck it's" flowing. Thankfully I have and welcomed support where as before I ignored it selfishly. I'll close for now with this. Hug and kiss your dog take them for a walk because you don't know. When you give them a hug please tell them Tank said hi.