A0B3831E-BD95-44ED-ADEA-377246C34868

I see a lot of people are struggling with their life and I don’t want to be the one who is looking for attention, but….Last two years of my life gave been challenging, i have lost everything that matter.I was supposed to become dad - we gave birth to still girlI had most beautiful love story - now i lost her to cancerI was financially independent - spent it all on treatmentsLife has been testing me and it doesn’t stop…I was into deep hole, once i was ready to start looking after myself - injury and can’t walk, swim or any kind of training for 3weeks….I come back from injury, starting to get my mind right, my body in shape, opportunities arise, on day before i go away to amazing destination for work- boom broken elbow. There is this feeling that life is teasing me with life changing opportunities, and than with a one wipe takes it all away…..Yesterday while taking a shower i thought - ok life is keep breaking me, so why would it do that to me? Why does it want me to be broken, sad, unhappy? Maybe it wants me to leave? Is that a suicidal thought? Can it be truth? Is it possible that things are happening to me to keep me in this low frequency and eventually I won’t be that strong and able to deal with it…what than? I thought i am not suicidal but this thought hit me hard, is that my purpose to keep suffering until I can’t take it anymore and i choose to go? I spoke to some friends and they feel awkward as they don’t know how to react! I am not suicidal i just want to talk about it and see if someone can relate and find the way how to deal with it, but seems like people want to turn away from these conversations, they are scared to talk about death…