naeramarth1

I’d like to start by saying that this trip happened a little over 161 days ago. My trip report was originally posted to Reddit, mainly as a way to recollect my thoughts and put everything in chronological order. Subsequently, I seek to help any first timers learn from my mistakes and to perhaps be provided some helpful insight from those so inclined. I figured as a new member of this community, I would put in my 2¢ and make a first post!! Scroll to the bottom for TL;DR!! I’m still trying to put all the pieces together, but it’s difficult to do when I spent a lot of time in and out of coherence. I talked about it with the friends I was with, but I want to capture my thoughts in text, as I find clarity in many other things by writing. I am writing this here because I am open to objective insight from other people that may have had similar experiences. Perhaps I could learn something. I took two tabs of tested and pure LSD for my first trip. This was yesterday. I was with a couple of my friends, and for anonymity purposes, we will call them Jack, Jill, and Gretel. Jack dropped with me, but has much more experience than me in psychedelics. I’m not sure how much Jack took, but it was much more than I took for sure. He went through his fair share of body load, but in contrast, I did not. Too low of a dose I guess. Jill and Gretel were trip sitting, and they were doing very well to accommodate us. The first hours before peak were fine. Nothing to complain about. Jill drove us to the park, and we walked around and had a good time. Afterwards, we drove some ways elsewhere to go get something for Gretel. At some point during this time I began to get closer to peak, but being in a car somewhat unstimulated, I began to get stuck in a thought loop, something I didn’t know was a thing. Jack didn’t tell me about loops, and in any research I had done prior about psychedelics, I had never heard the term. I didn’t know how to stop the loop. I kept thinking to myself “L E T ‘ S D R I V E F O R E V E R” As this continued, things became rather hazy. I began dissociating, as in I was not coherent, but still conscious physically. I think the others picked up on what was happening to me because Jack was trying to get me to listen to music or do something other than stare through the window and lose myself. His efforts didn’t work too well. Throughout the car ride, I kept going in and out of coherence, relatively speaking. I do remember some parts, but every time I came to I was in a different place with new smells since the window opened at some point. While we were driving, we stopped at In-N-Out Burger. I don’t remember that in the slightest. Jill and Gretel thought I still might be alright with eating, but that ended badly, as suddenly there was a hamburger and a small thing of French fries in my lap. I began dissociating and spilled my fries, and started smushing my hamburger in my hands and made a disgusting mess. Then I apparently peed on myself in my dissociation. After that I was basically unresponsive until I was suddenly dragged out of the car. According to everyone else, I was being very obnoxious and causing a scene upon arriving back home, when they were trying to keep me low-key. Jack pulled me to the side and was trying to get me to snap out of it. He told me “Stay with me, man, you took LSD, remember??” I had all but forgotten in all honesty. This state of looping and dissociation was slowly becoming a reality to me. All I could think was “H O W D O E S H E K N O W” In my head, I pieced together my moments of “clarity” from when I was in the car; the pieces I did remember. They replayed in my head as a collection of scenes, separate from each other, but collectively flowed. I rationalized in my head that everything was just moving very quickly but when something caught my attention things would slow down and I would focus only on that. (That description doesn’t do it justice) I came to the conclusion that Jack, Jill, and Gretel all knew what was going on and that the scenes made sense. It kind of felt like I was immersed in a movie, and based on the things that were being said to me, it felt like a movie in which Jack, Jill, and Gretel were all characters in, and they were doing nothing but breaking the fourth wall. Despite the script-breaking nature of fourth wall breaks, I felt like I was on some kind of script, and that I didn’t have real control over my words or thoughts. I dissociated again as they brought me inside the house. Next, I found myself in the shower. Jill thought it would be a good idea to help calm me down and to clean me off. My shirt was still on, but I had no pants. I didn’t even question it. To me, it was just another scene playing out. When I came to in the shower, I had already been there for about an hour. Jack came in to check on me as I was standing in the shower. I heard him and impulsively removed the shower curtain after tearing a sponge apart. I stared at Jack. His face began to distort a bit. I swear I saw liquid seeping out of his orifices. He told me “It’s fine” and “It’ll be over in a couple hours”. I realize now what he was talking about, but to me, he was talking about his face. His face was leaking, yet he said “it’s fine” and this disturbed me. I don’t know if I repeated his words out loud or only in my head, but I repeated it to myself and agreed with him that his face was normal. Afterwards, Jack left the bathroom and I was left alone. I dissociated again but I’m pretty sure I turned the water off myself and Jill probably helped me put some pants on. Next I found myself in the bedroom laying down. I was still not very coherent, as nothing made sense to me. Jill and Gretel weren’t sure what else to do for me. They thought maybe talking to another familiar friend on the phone would help. They called a friend of mine and had me speak to her on the phone. We were having a much different conversation in my head. I have no idea what was being said to me, but I remember thinking to myself the same thing I did with Jack when I was pulled out of the car. ***how could she know she's not even here what is she saying why did she call me I don't know what's happening*** Racing thoughts were going through my head just like that. I guess my conversation with my friend ended, though I'm not sure when. It was short, I think, when Jill saw I wasn't being very articulate with my words. Just a bunch of nonsense that they didn't understand, and that I don't remember. However, that conversation was a major trigger for me to go into a full blown delusion that solidified all of my previous notions about the scenes that were playing before me. Everyone was in on it, and I was the star of the show. Jill set me up with an episode of Avatar: The Last Airbender, and Jack was trying to console me and reassure me, saying “You just lay your head down and rest.” I was fighting with myself internally. To me, he was trying to put me in a deep sleep to go somewhere in a headspace. I wanted to but my body was resisting, so when I would shuffle around, Jack would say the same thing again to me. His persistence in having me lay down was furthermore convincing, keeping me in this almost entranced state of mind. I stopped moving and found myself still, waiting to be taken by the deep sleep, but it never came. Once I stopped moving, Jack and Jill left me alone. Periodically, one of them would pop their head in to check on me, innocently, but to me they were ensuring I was going through with the procedure as planned. I felt a bad aura every time one of them walked in the room, and I pretended to be asleep. After some time of being alone, I let this new reality sink in and fester, and it became too much for me to bear. I wanted to break out of this simulation. That’s what it felt like. I made the stupid decision to call my mom. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. I wasn’t expecting her to pick up because after all I wasn’t in the same reality anymore. Everything was all fake. To my surprise she did pick up the phone, and my delusional state made everything fall apart. I worried her by telling her I was in a room, and that I wasn’t convinced that Jack and Jill were real. Jill heard the commotion and came in to investigate. She asked to have the phone but I didn’t want to give it to her. She took it from me and reassured my mom everything was fine and that she should probably just come get me. This event broke me out of my state of mind and I was still tripping, but it quickly died down as I was past my peak and just needed to be broken out of my delusion that no one knew about but me. I tried to explain to them what was happening while I was in that state, but nothing made sense yet and the drug was still in my system. I’ve had about 24 hours time now to reflect and that’s why I’m writing this now. I don’t know if I would do it again. When it was good, it was great, but when I peaked it was all downhill from there. It was quite scary. TL;DR: First trip on LSD. Took two tabs. Lit at first. Peaked, and experienced major thought loops and dissociation during a time of limited stimulation. Specific events unfolded that sent me into a full blown delusion that I was in an automated, scripted movie and everyone around me were just characters that were attempting to coerce me into a deep sleep for unknown reasons. Ended up calling my mom in a state of despair and worried her for nothing.