Nath

*Let me just start by saying... I was 18 and dumb.* I was at Electric Forest music festival with my boyfriend (now ex) 2015. This was my first music festival ever. He had introduced me into the music & drug scene. I grew up catholic (but personally was atheist) and never liked smoking weed and hated (and still do not enjoy) drinking alcohol. This boyfriend of mine was very manipulative and was mentally abusive. His brother was not a very nice man and had a reputation of eating any drug he found and cheating on women (I am definitely someone who is monogamous and loyal... so you could guess how i felt about that). My boyfriend and his brother were people who would challenge others. They had a strong mind and were able to take lots of substances and still act and seem very normal. They would almost make the drug scene seem like a competition. Finally, it is Day one around 2pm at Electric forest. My Boyfriend’s brother is beginning to pass out the drugs to the group. My boyfriend looks at me and asks me “have you ever even done these before” almost as if i were a loser if I haven’t. I lied and said “uhh, yeah. Ive done it before with my cousins.” That was complete bullshit because the most my cousins would ever do is smoke weed. He then responded with “oookay..” and gave me 1 tab of “LSD” and a Warner Bros. “Ecstasy” pill/candy thing. I put quotes around LSD and Ecstasy because they NEVER tested their substances and I honestly have no Idea what I took that day. Anyways, I took the MDMA first.. then once I hit my Peak, I took LSD. Skipping ahead through my trip... everything is fine and beautiful. The trees looked more real than real. I could see them breathing, The music was insane, the people almost had an alien look to them but they all looked so beautiful. I was in Awe. Then comes the wait time to see Bassnectar (Bassnectar was my favorite artist for a while... and this was going to be my first time seeing him). While we waited, I began to observe too much. I realized I was dancing really hard to no music. It freaked me out because I looked like a crazy molly kid to other people who weren’t on my level. I made eye contact with a girl and she gave me a dirty look because I was acting weird. This was the start to my down spiral. I remember vividly looking down at hands and seeing my flesh being ripped away as I rub my fingers against my palms. Everything felt so nice. Then once I acknowledged that my flesh was being ripped away, I saw my bones (my boyfriend at the time claims I may have been coming down from the MDMA, making it hard for me to sit with the LSD). Then.. I completely blacked out for about 30min. I have no idea what happened. All I can recall is what happened later on. Bassnectar’s music became background music to my trip (almost like a movie) as I began to see God and satan with me there at the festival. I couldn’t hear my boyfriend or anyone else around me. Bassnectar’s sounds were loud and my thoughts were louder. Lets just say we are 20min into Bassnectar’s performance. For the next hour or so.. I continued to walk to the front of the crowd then to the back of the crowd. My visuals were telling me that Bassnectar was God (due to all the lights around him and his long hair I assume [I also remember in my head that people always say “follow the light” when people are dying]) but as I got closer to the front, the totems people carried looked like baby toys. I saw baby rattles, the colorful rings that stack on each other, and baby bottles. This started to weird me out. Then I moved my gaze back to Bassnectar, and he looked demonic. I began to run away and head towards the back to go back to my tent. As I walked I thought about my parents. I mostly thought about my dad. I could hear his voice in my head. I heard him talk about how disappointed and sad he was to find out I died due to an overdose. In my head, I thought if I ran to my tent I would be back with my parents and safe, but then I also thought it would make me a loser because I couldn’t hang with the group and do those drugs. I was torn. I was finally out of the crowd.. then looked into the darkness that we had to walk through in order to get to my tent.. and then the thought of my dad being a sick liar about drugs came across. I began to think my parents were liars and that if I got to the tent, I will forever be controlled by satan. this continued on for almost the entire concert (my boyfriend was following me and trying to snap me out of it but i could not hear or see him. According to him I was crying the entire time saying I want to die or that I want to commit suicide). Finally i come to a stop in the middle of the entire crowd. It is about 10min until Bassnectar ends his performance. I feel like im about to throw up. All i could think is... “if i throw up right now.. i die.” I felt like i was sitting on a black circle. I couldn’t understand it. Then BOOM! I zoomed out of the festival... and i was looking at myself from up above. “F.U.N.” Was playing in the background. I realize that I am sitting in the black circle part of the Yin yang symbol (keep in mind i never really knew what yin yang meant or where it came from). Then all of a sudden I zoomed back into my body. I had like tunnel vision at this point and i could see the shape of our earth. I can finally see my boyfriend! I look at him and try to communicate with him. There seems to be an invisible wall between us and it begins to freak me out. I kneel down and begin to cry and think. I come to the conclusion that him and i are not meant to be together and I cry and cry and cry. My solution to get out of this “feeling” i was feeling was to run away from him. Unconsciously I zoom back out and i watch as my boyfriend and I play cat and mouse (i am clearly the mouse here) running around on the yin yang. I land on the white cirlcs of the yin yang and i feel holy... but i am still unable to communicate with him.. so then i run again (keep in mind this is all going on in a crowd. So I am running into people, trying to get through, and just crying my life away). Then at the end of the song “F.U.N.” There is a sound that is like a gong. I stop. I sit down. And then i closed my eyes. I am looking down at myself for the last time. I am now in the center of the yin yang (but slightly more into the white part, and my boyfriend is in the black). That zoomed out picture melts away as I start to see little worms standing upright, hopping their way down a toilet. I start to see a spiral. I see a worm like creature that has features that made me think of my dad. I realize he is going down the spiral again to be reborn. I NOW believe that what i saw was The fibonacci’s spiral and the origin/development of life. I was convinced that psychedelics opened my eyes and that I have the ability to escape this spiral. Then i snapped out of it and felt decently sober. I still saw strange colors and felt uneasy... but the crazy visuals and thoughts were over. I instantly thought that my boyfriend was a bad guy .. but he had some good in him, as I thought i was a good person with some bad in me. ( I originally thought that meant him and I were meant to be .. but HA, no. He was a piece poo and i am glad that is over) I continued to cry the next day after my trip because I was so unsure what to do with all of this information. It was hard for me because my parents are very strict catholics and what LSD showed me was intense. I was upset because my parents engraved in my head that drugs are bad and that i will die... when in all reality, I saw Energy. I caught a glimpse of God. & LSD made me want to be alive. The day before Electric forest 2015 i was atheist and extremely emo. I hated life and was constantly suicidal. The day after Day ONE of Electric Forest 2015, I became spiritual and wanted to be alive. & that ladies and gentlemen.. was my first time doing LSD and MDMA. {Comment below or DM me if you have any questions or thoughts!}