My JMF Trip Report

TRIP REPORT It was around 730pm and I was entering withdrawal of methadone, and the reason is bc I was abusing it way more than I told anyone. A friend, a very sweet person, has been there for me when I felt I had no one, besides my saint of a mom. I knew doing tree work in withdrawal and poking up my arms was killing me, and it took me to do hardcore labor to see, I was dancing with darkness and an obsession of shooting a liquid that gave me a false sense of warmth and was killing me. Sometimes I almost excepted my fate. This friend, a person who took their precious time to be a real person in my life made me feel like enough is enough. No more lies, justification (its only methadone), and abuse. I eat about 6 to 6.5 grams of JMF and I felt great. I knew that this was going to get real. I went from bliss to panic, thinking, "why did I do this in withdrawal?" "I may need an ambulance." I was burning up and so hot I basically stripped down to a T and boxers. While in this panic I couldnt see 2 inches in front of my face. There were these beautifil walls of what reminded me of dimensions. I realized I had to pee so I did. I calmed down. Any form of plastic or glass turned into purple and yellow symmetrical honeycomb designs. My rooms doorway was another step into another realm. - My glass sliding door was complete beauty of unexplainable sorts. I was being teased by the glass. Like they were saying hey, why dont you step outsixe and enjoy a cigarette. So I did. The mountains, the rain storm, any right angle made that honey comb forcefield, and I puffed on a cigarette watching clouds move in a beautiful speed and they breathed calmly while doing do. I went back inside and sat indian style on my living room rug. A picture of my grandpa who I never met was looking into me, a picture of my deceased father was with me (who died from drugs in 07), his mother,"my passe grandma was with me. I became one with all. I was being told to lay on my back and be part of the ground. As I did so, I thanked everything that has manifested in my life. My insecurities of being an unloved adopted son in a italian family were blasted away as if I never thought it. While in the Leonardi da vinci pose, I closed my eyes and saw symbolism of pyramind and scenes unfolsing that I can only describe as the most beautidul design ever concocted. I kept feeling a wink from my friend who I mentioned above and I felt safe. I thought about people I love snd people that love me SO much and I ended up falling asleep in a state on complete peace. No worry. No past. No guilt. I felt things that have been in the works of powers that we cant fathom. Alan Watts really started this journey for me because he opened me up while in long term sober living. I was out maybe an hour to an hour and a half. When I rose off my back, I thought it was time for work but I was only 5 hours in. My rug was an ocean and I saw my couch and bed dissolve then re organize my sheets. I looked jn the mirror; I saw myself age from 7 years ago when I got on methadone to now; then I saw how Id age if my obsessions continued. I poured tears of such gratitude that Im still here, Im alive! Im smart, Im kind, I care for loved ones the way I do because I sincerely have unconditional love and they do too. This cosmo esk multi dimension realm continued but it was 1am. I had to be up at 5am. I turned on alan watts and curled up in bed and held a pillow and carresed it because I appreciated the benefit of it. I heard Alan Watts speak and fell asleep in the most comfortable state, position, and bliss. My walls were melting, my tissues were growing then disapearring, my hair was growing off my hands then stand at my attention. I didn't wsnt to close my eyes but "they" told me, "Jaié, get some sleep. Youve been working your ass off. - I woke up and coulsnt stop smiling. I felt reborn. I was JAIE again. No urge to shoot methadone, no urge of anything. I owe a lot of thanks to this friend of mine because this person, I believe helped me get my soul back. I feel fresh, the blue in my eyes is back and things...are just how theyre supposed to be. I love all you and anyone who took time out of their precious time to be a shoulder for me, Ill never forget it, and Im forever grateful.Mush, mush, love to you all. -Jaié