21 and not done

This has taken me a little loner than i expected to write. I had a few factors that held me up. To be fair if it wasn't for the dmt last night i might not be writing this.(More on that later) 

I ate 21 grams of mushrooms. My struggle with writing this has to due with me vomiting. I feel like My journey is semi-tainted. I felt like i missed part of the message. After my dmt experience last night i realize i was wrong.  (Side note-- I don't care how much breathing practicing you do or meditation you try,21 grams of mushrooms will knock your head off. It's that simple)

So Sunday i woke up and realized it was time...  I took the mushrroms (as some of you saw in my pictures) grinded them up and instantly started to change my mind. The sight of all that powder made my stomach turn. I then said screw it and drove the store and bought lemons. Mixed them together and drank it up..... God it was horrible.. It was like lemon mushroom paste in my mouth even with plenty of juice.

After drinking it i got ready for my ride. The funny thing is that i started to get ringing in my ears in about 10 minutes so i thought here it comes. It didn't. It took about an hour plus to kick to start to see anything. I actually was begining to think nothing was going to happen. Boy was i wrong. Once i started to see things i went up stairs to lay in bed. It slowed down again to only ringing. I closed my eyes again and started to think about sleeping and then WAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's like a damn broke and i was floored. I can remember looking in the corner of my room and seeing my laundry pile and it had many faces. I made a reminder to myself to wash my laundry..No more faces... It happened... That feeling when the mushrooms hit hype drive.. Sometimes its last for 15 seconds sometimes it last longer. (The higher i dose the longer it lasts) This time was like dmt.. It lasted for a few minutes,i could only moan and cry and laugh... I was not able to use my arms or legs. While this was taking place i was being pulled from my body flying through space and timethe colors and feeling was like nothing i've felt... While flying through the universe not as myself but as my energy or life force i could here sounds and glimpses of images. They passed so fast i wasn't able to make them out. I saw them the same,the same beings i see when i blast off or dose very high. No normal form of communication was happening,however i could feel calmness and peace. Then just like that i was reversed back into my regualr self... Then i opened my yes and instantly vomited.. i held it in my mouth and ran to the bathroom and threw up in the sink and looked at my bathroom where the toilet is an knew i wasn't done. So i vomited more and i felt like my experience was tainted. I felt that way because i threw up some of the mushrooms. I pent the rest of my trip getting naked and flopping around.. on the floor the bed the couch,it was so violent my sheets all came off then bed. I was twitching and jerking like seizures. I believe this was my subconscious fighting the reality. The reality that it's hold over me is being broken. 

When i started my mushroom journey earlier this year i had a goal, 1 question-- Why do i feel such anger and fire inside...  that has been my goal to have answered,the higher dose i take the more gets shown to me. 

After i vomited i dtill visually saw things howver it turned into a mind fuck.. i got caught in a thought loop of am i a"have or have not" i am have... i don't believe in the have not state of mind.  I struggled to walk when i would it more like a slither and hop.  So this experience and my last 14 gram experience i saw the same things i would on dmt.. I can't explain why or how but last night's dmt thrashing it clicked i will write trip report on that and it'll all make sense.... After my trip i started to look into the Akashic Records.. i'll leave it at that.. I thought about my experience afterwards and felt like i missed something and i blamed it on me throwing up. I realize now i was wrong, i just wasn't seeing the bigger picture.