IMPOSSIBLE BEAUTY

I always wanted to go for the classic  heroic dose of 5 grams in silent darkness. I recently  felt that I'm finally ready to go at it and bought 5 grams of some golden teachers.My higest dose is 3.5 and I have never gone past that.I was in a very clear mindset and had been preparing  for the experience  for a few weeks.The day finally came where I decided I was ready but  I was a bit scared to take the whole 5 grams because I had an idea of how intense it could get from some of my 3.5 gram experiences so I decided  to take 4 grams. I munched the mushrooms down straight, on an empty stomach  and washed them down with some orange soda at around 8pm then laid on my bed and waited for the experience  to wash over me. I went into this trip with some intentions but I mainly wanted  to learn whatever the mushrooms had  to teach me. I said my intentions after eating them and said I was ready to learn anything they had to teach me .After nearly 30 minutes  I was already starting to feel them and that's when I realized I'm in for the ride of my life.A bit of anxiety came up as I thought that I might not be able to handle it but I continued to put my mind in a good state and just keep my thoughts calm. the come up was extremely  intense and I was yawning so much it was actually  starting  to get a bit draining this is where I started to have a lot of racing thoughts and I realized the trip had fully begun as  thousands of thoughts passed my mind by the second. I wasn't having any visuals yet but I felt extreme emotions of happiness ,sadness ,love ,peace,hate,joy and bliss  I experienced the whole spectrum of emotions in one single infinite emotion is as best as I could describe it .I also started to realize a lot of bad habits that I need to stop in my life and just had a lot of deep thoughts about my life and what I need to do to become my highest self i also managed to get some sneak peaks into my subconscious.Around the hour mark I'm starting to lose all sense of time and didn't even bother looking at my phone anymore I put on a few songs to listen to then switched off the lights and laid on my bed with my eyes closed. I wasn't seeing much yet then decided to smoke a joint I had rolled to smoke during the trip. I took about 6 big hits and around the third hit I felt like I was about to completely be blasted out my body into a new state of awarness then on the 6th hit I put it out because I literally thought if I took one more hit I was going to completely blast of and drop the joint on my bed so I put the joint out switched of the music and my phone and just laid there.  I instantly  started to see this white light all around me it grew more and more intense to were I closed my eyes and it engulfed my whole vision. The  light then turned  into this ancient beautiful world  that felt so alien and sacred  but was so extremely  beautiful  wayyy beyond the comprehension of the mind. It was full of geometry and ancient alien like plants and vines that seemed alive  it was spinning and  moving in all directions in  perfect Rythm and syncronity the thing that blew my mind the most is that the world almost  seemed alive .I started to hear this weird sound which kind of sounded like birds chirping  in slow motion .then she came she was   glowing  , she is real ,she is way more intelligent  than you and I will ever be, she is love , she spoke in a way I couldn't understand but could understand at the same time , she is beauty. No words  can describe how beautiful she is .I was about to give away to amazement then she was about to show me something  I saw what she was about to show me is  something  that not even my mind could ever dream up  i felt that what it was about to show me would forever change my life forever I  saw what I was about to see was way more than my mind was ready to comprehend.Then the shrooms spoke all I could think of in the moment is "oh my gosh! Terrance mckenna was right they speak "I knew they could speak but they had never spoke to me this clearly .they told me that it's my choice to see what they were about to show me then I quickly told them just as they were about to show me  that I wasn't ready and then it stopped and they said to me  "you see how deep this goes now don't you ?and  that these doses are no joke and that people shouldn't just jump into high doses and take mushrooms with no respect for them .They then told me that I am a great person and I am good for its lessons but for now I am still young   and must venture in the lower doses for now because  it still has a lot of lessons for me before I'm ready to see what it was about to show me .she told me if she had  shown me now I would not be able to make sense of it furthermore it told me  that I've still got a lot ahead in my life  and that even though spirituality and making sense of one's life is important you must also just enjoy your life and not try to make sense of every single moment of it and just enjoy. It also told me that I must  learn to quiet  my mind sometimes and just observe the world with no labels or judgment. After this conversation  it took me through different dimensions and worlds beyond space ,time ,life,death and possibility it took me by the hand and took me through  worlds full of entities and impossible beauty .I surely knew in that moment that there is way more to life than we could ever think of it and we are so limited in what we know .I just couldn't believe one second of it all I began to get a bit scared that I had overdone it this time and that I was actually dead I thought it's either that or I've completely lost my mind forever .This is when the shrooms reassured me that I am fine and that I will be back in my body after it's done  showing me what it has to. After this she suddenly left and I opened my eyes and felt this tremendous pressure on my forehead almost as if someone was pushing down on it then I felt the pressure suddenly be released  it was almost as if the entity of the mushroom was holding my head the whole time and released it when it left.  then I closed my eyes again and she came back and said I'm only here to help you and that she loves me so much and would never hurt me and disappeared as fast as she came  I felt sad that I had to go through  this experience  by myself  now as it was getting super intense and I was only at the beginning of it all .What I saw can not even be described  by words.I completely forgot that the world ever existed at this point and nothing felt real at that moment. I felt deep sadness as I thought that I've really done it this time I've fucked my brain up and this is completely  impossible  and that I'm going to be like this forever  and will never be able to tell anyone about  this .I just accepted it and that's when I just decided that I might as well just explore this new state of mind that I'm now forever going to be in and see what it's all about . I remember  being confronted by demon like figures and not being even the slightest bit scared of them  and just said to them " get out of my head" and they disintegrated into a million pieces i was a bit stunned of what i saw but didn't think much of it.After this I remember  feeling as if I fell asleep but I was in a completely different plane of existence I can't remember much of what happened after this but I woke up approximately  3 hours later and was still tripping very hard but not as hard as before I drifted of into this sleep like state. I remember I felt really hungry and I had a pizza in my room for if I got hungry during the trip   I took one bite and immediately spat it out and realized  how disgusting pizza really is and that these fast foods are not good for our bodies and they will destroy them I literally felt how unhealthy eating habits would destroy my body ,I immediately felt a sense to change my eating habits and treat my body better .I also realized  that even though weed is not bad it mustn't be taken in large amounts as at the end of the day its still smoke and taking it in large amounts will destroy my body  I felt a strong realization that I need to start treating my body better as it is the temple of my soul and conciousness I began to come down and this is when I started to make sense of what I just experienced  and how amazing whatever I saw  was   .I was very glad I had prepared for this experience as best as I could and  was in a very clear mindset which is always important when  you trip as I felt  if I wasn't prepared and in a great mindset I would have had the worst experience of my life when I realized how intense it gets .In addition I also realized how powerful  my mind really is .I wish I could have gotten more answers to my questions but at some points I was too amazed to even think of anything else .the trip fully ended at 4:30 am and I slept for around an hour and woke up feeling  like I was born again and still have an amazing afterglow  it's been 3 days since this trip and I still can't believe what happened  in there .This will be my last trip with the shrooms for a while as soon I'll be starting to work long hours  and won't have much time to do them.  just before the trip ended she said goodbye to me and told me she loved me so much and that I must tell those who will listen about how real she is.