Spiritual trip

I'm going to try and explain this without it being so lengthy.Lately I've been microdosing. For which sometime during the previous week I felt my heart open up more and more each day. So finally I decided I couldn't wait anymore I clearly needed a journey.I got off work at 8 and by 9 I had digestive almost a quarter of albino. I ran to the store for rellos and set up my bedroom. Because I'm easily nauseous I stay in my bed a majority of the time. 1 tea light candle directly in front of me and a hot water bottle to keep me grounded.Playlist: chillaxing by soul rising, angst and overthinker by inzo, tiny desk concert Mac Miller, enigma (about six songs ),a native song, ayahuasca mother earth dmt ceremony . In that order.I love the 1st 3 songs to death and for the longest time I wanted to feeeeeel these dang songs..and nothing exciting happened my wife, Q, came into the room and asked me did I need anything and suggested we play Mac Miller. At that point I felt his pain and I connected with his music. He was a sad and deep soul. And then we talked about another artist for which we had no expectations but was slightly disappointed after the artist H.E.R revealed about herself. My wife then left the room to go roll up and smoke a cigarette. I was listening to Mac still I believe when the tea light started to make me cry. Now at this time no particular thought was going through my mind. Q came back asked me was I okay ,by then I had stopped crying so she went back into the kitchen. I turned back to the candle and told the candle I wasn't afraid of it and that's set me off ! I couldn't stop crying I felt the deepest sorrow and sadness and was desperately compelled to apologize to Gaia (earth spirit) for everything we have done to her, that I had done. It's been 5 days I'm still crying about it. The pain it me to the core. After I immediately apologized to myself and my inner child as I'm on a journey to heal myself ....more then just having a fun trip this was my intention.Q came back and held me and consoled me as I talked about what was going on. I asked her to help me find Enigma as I recalled I loved this during college and wanted to listen and she suggested Saddness. I laid horizontally on the bed and more into my pillows and the hot water bottle was falling out of my arms I instantly melted into the bed physically as I was spiritually floating above my body. And then Q came back and said I looked relaxed (I'm high strung so this is rare). I then cried lightly stating idky no one wants to feel like this all the time! We should feed edibles to all the politics lol and we laughed and she brought me something to smoke. I sat up and decided to change the song. Q was still next to me looking for songs for me when something crazy happened! The native song took me to a jungle where I was either the lake or I was centered in the middle of the lake surrounded by lush greenery I could almost smell it and feel the warm sun when I was brought back to reality.The ayahuasca ceremony started to play and Q gave me my space. I laid back and closed my eyes. After 5 mins of chanting I could see her. Tiny old but wise lady holding leaves bunched together . Crouched close to the ground over my hitting me with these leaves from head to toe. She is the type she speaks only one time as she does not waist words. When she speaks everyone stops to listen. Me and Q agreed (she was on less then a gram). We let her do her work . During which I could feel the plant traveling to all the places that needed attention (my gums, ovaries and intestines). It was amazing. 40 minutes in and she had me stuck and I wanted it as I plan to go to Mexico for the real ceremony I didn't want to take away from that so I changed the song. I played Allan Watts as he is a wonderful philosopher and his voice soothes me and that carried into hz music. I eased out of my trip in awww and full of emotion I'm am learning to sit with .