My last trip - Endlessly in the now

After an incident of accidental biochemistry interactions between dmt and things I were taking to improve health - some sort of neuron overload happened.  My trip vision and experience consisted of being in the bright light of a soup without any sense of myself and my limbs.  I was completely in a state of nothing within this bright light soup.  Only until I managed to put all my focus at a point in front of my perview that at one point I returned, but it was way way too overwhelming.  I knew something went wrong and my sensory perception was overloaded or crashed.  I need to take a break and recover. 

About six months later...  The idea of taking another trip occurrs in mind starts coming up.  I'd like to know whether my system has recovered, but it can be, again, too overwhelming, but the idea of connecting to a mysterious state draws me back.  I'm in a transition, physically, to move & travel again.  It'd be a last trip before I put it away for good, good while.  So I load up about 36mg and ready in a low lit guest room with faint music.  All preparation done, and a brief stillness, then I drawn the first inhale, moderately.  In a few seconds, buzz comes up and vibrating within my body.  I took a second larger inhale and hold...  

Nothing... then boom - I'm in an endless evolution of mandalas within mandalas divided into four parts split from the center.  The endless evolution that is eternal and never-ending - the I and the all blends and blurrs.  There seems to be multitudes of intelligence sources reaching through these ever unfolding mandalas, flips, transformations and evolutions.  I am no longer myself, I am just all that is.  At the same time communications happen many many times albeit without words.  The energy is still too overwhelming, the sensory perceptions still have not yet fully recovered - and I am receiving too much energy - it's too overwhelming.  My body has to channel the energy - automatically, the mudra of creation where my hands and arms weave in large circular motions draw the energy from above and flow downward - I must create the flow physically to channel some of the currents - the endless mandalas have more to it in each fraction of a moment than a book might contain.  I am one, I am not one.  I am experiencing all these, and all these are me in many aspects yet unknown to me.  The brightness was not as overwhelming but still a bit too much to be visually clear in everything that's moving so fast.  

After what seems like an eternity, I am suddenly back, but not quite.  Even with eyes still closed, I saw myself in a glowing space glowing.  Yes, I am just a glowing body in a glowing space.  I've lost touch with reality - what is real, what is this reality - who am I?  I've finally done it, omg, I've done it.  I am going to live like this - seeing everything in its glowing state....  f*ck!!!  Ok chill, if that's the case, then just accept it.  I've stopped the motion of the mudra, but still it's too much.  Then the moment I've finally returned - not knowing how long it had been (~25min later I checked approx) - to finally escape the endless infinity of the charged mandalas and whatever was revealed to me - I finally managed to return.  Immediately I was like - omg - too much - I need to get out of here!  I hop off the mattress and only managed to open the bedroom door before I collapsed on the carpet and cherish the feeling of the carpet.  It is a blessing to feel the carpet, to feel myself in my body, to be able to feel, to sense and aware through...  Thank you!!!  Now all I want is to be in complete silence and stillness of the deepest meditation ever...  namaste.  

I know it'd be quite a while until I ever return for another trip.  It'd be  a period of healing, recovery and reflection.  The reason I write this is to reflect back the last trip some weeks ago and recall the experience in order to peel back what I am to learn from the experience.  If there is anything I can share, that is - please be careful with whatever you are taking in conjunction with dmt because there could be potential interactions.  It's ideal to keep the system as clean as possible before the trip.  And it is ideal to really space out the frequency.  Because the experience seems to fade away so quickly, there can be more desires to go again.  Though like everything, the more frequent it's been used, the effect diminishes.  The ideal way might be to take the time to integrate as much as possible while maintaing the optimal physical health which includes the mental health.  Anyways writing this certainly reminds me how wonderful it is to be able to live in body comfortably and be able to experience periods of complete silence/stillness.  So much clarity can be...