I recently experienced the most horrific trip of my life. I ate well over an ounce of mushrooms. I quickly was so far gone I found myself in an uncontrollable loop of a song by The Used where I remember screaming all kinds of words that came to mind making zero sense. My brain was moving faster than I could process what was happening. I experienced what it was to be psycodic. It was so painful and clear that I had gone too far that I wanted nothing more than to kill myself and make it stop. It was as if I was paralyzed on my living room floor and could do nothing more than smash my head into the floor, trying to black out. As horrific as it sound, I remember killing my dog on this trip and adding to my guilt and desire to end my life. Even the next day, when I woke up in a pile of puke, I was terrified to check if my poor dog was breathing. Luckily he was. I will never forgive myself for that night and will never take any psychedelic again in my life. That shit really scared me straight.

This trip was a hard one for me to process because it was going into the depths of my mind this time. Very much like a 5g journey only much shorter, the music playlist I had going was my Spotify liked station. It went from reggae, to my gangsta rap and more. The shrooms then basically told me your playlist says a lot about you. I started getting emotional when Kendrick Lamar Money Trees started playing, the visuals I had took me back to my old hometown, dealing with the gangs and the fucked up school system that let me and others down. The school system and the poverty that hit my town, and how it was all by design. A once prosperous Avocado town is plagued with a lot of fucked up shit. The lyric that hit me hard the most was the one about looking at the barrel of a loaded gun lives forever. It made me think of the gang members I grew up with and went to school with, how they thought murder was going to fix everything it doesn’t, those victims whether it be opposite gang, ex girlfriends etc. Me being a hustler and getting my way out of the hood was the best thing I did, but on that trip, every one I saw that I knew are dead, gone, deported, locked up who knows…….but my heart just cried of forgiving everyone that has done me wrong and more importantly letting go. Also looked back at my days of dealing, from dealing weed(pre legalization) to shrooms (ethically with the ability to help others in need and proper counseling)…….I was just trying to survive…..getting my hands dirty……and everything…but it was all for a noble cause….i just wanted to make sure my family was going to be ok…….honestly this has been a lot for me to take in, once I was able to move on from that Soulja Boys Kiss Me Thru The Phone started playing and it brought me back happy memories of when me and my wifey first started dating as Bf/gf. How everything was so much better together, even though we have come through a rough background or experiencing trauma us being together has helped up get through some incredibly tough times, the mushrooms reminded me not to let the Matrix get in the way of my happiness. More importantly appreciate my family more than ever…….I acknowledge that I’m not a bad man, a sinner? Absolutely! I have committed every wrong doing I can imagine and the trip showed me a whole reel of my mistakes, more importantly, it showed that God is indeed very forgiving, even though I have disappointed Yahweh and Yeshua, they are at least proud of me that I have acknowledged my wrong doing and that I’m doing my best to improve and more importantly be the best man I can be. I also saw more of ancient Egypt, later on saw AI and other crazy stuff involving us humans being integrated with AI. Meaning we can indeed have the ability to be immortal, but in a way it is hell, immortal suffering?? You don’t get to go to the light?!!! Regardless the choice will be mine once that time comes, but I’m aware of what is to come…..lastly even though I think no one appreciates me, or I go to work looked at as just as a number, I know deep down I’m valued as an individual, even if this world doesn’t value me, I know for hell God and my family will. More importantly to anyone reading this, you won’t fully move on if you don’t forgive those that do you wrong, we are all looped into a cycle of trauma. Only way to break it is being the bigger human at the end of it all! 

It was a few months ago. I was advised not to eat anything in case the mushrooms upset my stomach. I had been on a plane earlier that day so I had a light lunch but nothing after that.

The setting was in the back garden of an apartment building. More wild than I was expecting but private and comfortable enough. It took awhile for everyone to arrive. I ingested 3.5 grams of mushrooms in a smoothie. It tasted quite good. It did not upset my stomach. The others seemed to be feeling the effects long before I did, but eventually, I did as well. 

Someone ordered pizza. I felt hungry but was unsure if standing up was a good idea. I decided to risk it as it was only had to take a few steps. I tried to eat the pizza but after only a few bites I started to feel dizzy. My appetite vanished. I held onto the half eaten pizza slice for a while.

I remember leaning forward and then nothing. Blackness.

The next thing I know I am on the ground, having fallen out of my chair. A couple of people helped me to stand up and get back into my chair. Later I asked how long I had been out. My friend told me maybe 20-30 seconds. She said my eyes were open the whole time. The best way I can describe it is it felt like my brain got rebooted like a computer. After that point I experienced several hours of dizziness.  I wasn't sure if my head would ever stop spinning.

After what seemed like several hours my dizziness subsided, I started to feel a  tingling in my fingers. I remember opening and closing my right hand. I could see a latent image of my hand as I opened and closed it. This was the only "visual" effect I experienced.

After a very long time I felt like I could stand up but I was not ready to walk just yet. I stood there for awhile. I mustered up enough nerve to walk back to the house. I could not feel the bottom of my feet too well. I was half floating, almost like my feet were air hockey pucks.

After I felt stable enough, I walked back to my hotel. I was in desperate need of a warm bed. I am not sure how long it took as my sense of time was compromised. I did not sleep at all that night. Not one wink. Thankfully the next day, despite the lack of sleep, I felt  "normal". I have never been more thankful to be sober again.

When people started to seriously fear the Corona virus i just landed in the Philippines again as i was on my way to visit Urban in Australia. I got stuck there during the pandamic for two months after which i returned home without reconnecting with my brother.

Recently Urban visited the Netherlands, it has been at least six years that we didnt see each other. It was so good to reconnect and on top of that we travelled to Hungary with a bunch of beautifull people to celebrate life at Ozora festival. During his stay in the Netherlands his schedule was action packed so i said to him: I need at least two days one on one with you so we can make a journey together on my mushrooms. He made time and this trip report is about that very joureny and my god, what a wild experience!

At some point i grew my first 100 grammer, it was a Pie Crust Melmac which is also one of my favorite and most potent variaties. After drying only 5,8 was left and i could not help but feel slightly dissapointed. I can only laugh now when i reflect back on that moment because this mushroom was fucking packed with active content, the stem was completly blue and the wound from taking the tissue sample for cloning was basically black. I decided to save it for a special moment but i forgot about it when my brother was visiting. We were hanging out at my place in town prior to the the ceremonie because i had to do some mycology that could not wait. We were talking about PE mushies and he asked me what dried Pie Crusts looks like because i already suggested to work with those for our joureny. I just grabbed a random jar and when i opend the lid that first 100 grammer was laying on top. With excitement i picked it out of the jar and dropped it on a scale and it showed 5,8 grams, this might be a nice one to split i said and my buddy agreed.

The ceremonie was gonna take place in a canvas bell tent that ive got pitched at my dad's counrty side place so we can be in nature while being comfortable and shelterd at the same time. We decided to start eating the mush around 3:00 pm so we could have a normal night sleep and have enegrie for the day after. As consumption time approached it was really funny to observe myself and my brother getting nervous and constantly makeing little excusses to pospone eating this scary looking creature. We collected our courage and splitted it right down the middle, half a cap and half a stem each, it came down to 2,9 grams each.

We both ate our medicine and layed down on a matress inside a sleeping bag with eye shades on, maintaining a humble silence for the kick in phase of the journey. I prepared an ambient playlist with four sets of one hour stacked from a deep and kind of mystical vibe to more light and uplifting. As the mushroom took effect after only 15 minutes i already knew it was time to buckle up and hold on to my hat/head. After about 30+ minutes i had to pee, i got up fully buzzing as my mind was opening up to the cosmos. I did my thing and was blown away by the greeness of all the plants, quickly i curled up in my sleeping bag again. I saw my mate also going for a pee, pretty strong stuff hey he mumbled as he made his way out the tent to do his thing, he laid back down and this was the blast of moment for both of us.

I had something happen that ive came across before also with mushroom medicine, in this experience it seems like there are beings around you doing stuff to you. You feel an energetic touch and momevent that makes one think your being worked on by some kind of entitie. It feels very safe and like you're being taken care of by something that exists in a different frequency or dimension.
The intencity of the trip kept climbing and climbing, there were moments that it was hard work to just let go and have faith that it will okay in the end, when this letting go was accomplished i ended up in the most beautifull places feeling really deep gratitude for everything and everyone. However this ride was wild, i went from bliss to total darkness like if it was nothing and back again. I came in waves or tidal waves in this case, i said to myself a couple of times: it seems like its getting a little less intense now, i dont mind i had a good trip but then the next wave came and it just mopped to floor with me. I got careful telling myself its getting less and just focussed on surrendering to this thing/being/structure im intertwined with.

At some point my brother had a difficult moment when some personal stuff came up, immigrating is not a small thing and he is still searching for his home. To leave your roots behind and flourish somewere else is a big step and this was magnified by the mushroom. He started talking to me about it and i could carry his process for a little bit but at some point i got so overwhelmed by it because i was having my own experience which was not a small thing either. I asked if we could talk about this later when the two extra eyes that came out of his eyebrows were not there anymore.
I closed my eye's again and in no time i found myself in a futuristic city comprised out of silver buildings with blue accents, it happend in a way that i actually thought i was there and started asking around for directions. There were no inhabitants but the buildings themselves seemed sentient, i ask this wall of a structure that was one of many sturctures in that realm if i could get some directions. This wall responed with self transforming hieroglyphs telling me: Sure, were would you like to go? I said well while im here i might aswell learn something so maybe a school or something like that. Full of enthousiasme this being/building/wall unfolded into an array of options and possibilities about things i could learn. it was so incredibly alien that i had no idea what i was looking at, because of all the textures with inifinite depth and detail i got overwhelmed and started sweating and feeling hot. I said to the wall this is too much input and i cant handle it anymore, as a response the wall became flat again and some how said to me is this better? Yeah this is better i said and the other worldy being strated to try again this time with less depth and detail. By this time i complety lost my own question and apolagized to this thing i was interacting with and opend my eye's to see that i was actually on a matress in a tent tripping balls with my buddy. This was the kind of reality check in which you realize reality is a relative thing, it could be anything when its not filter through the humans senses.

I was listening to the playlist i prepared and still the uplifting part had not begun yet, i worried a little bit because ive experience so much already and the idea of just being one hour in kind messed with me. I got up and looked at the mp3 player to find out it was on single loop so we were lisitng for four hours to the same one hour set. Beautifull because this way i could not keep track of time and dive deeper as a result, one of those small details that makes the trip perfect. At this point we strated talking and we could both handle a conversation even though my friend still had four eye's, this time i really enjoyed the sight of that and all the tracers that he left behind in the field around him. We were talking, lauging and sharing and we found out that we both experienced that cosmic surgery kind of feeling in the beginning of the trip, it was a shared experience which makes it more solid and interesting.
Everything outside the tent was so green and the floor of the tent was wiggling all over the place like a waterbed. It was super nice to be able to share some aspects of my expierence directly with my soulmate while still being in the tail of the trip, this is something i really miss in my solo adventures.

All in all this was an incredible journey, i never had this kind of effect come from only 2,9 grams. I also really appreaciate the idea of it being my first 100 grammer and that me and my old friend split that thing right down the middle and went through it together, surfin through hyper space.
Im super gratful for this expierence, thank you so much my brother Urban for taking time to do this with me! Thank you sacred Mushroom for being here! And a shout out again to where the Pie's came from, thank you so much for sharing! Mush Love to all & have a blessed day.