IMG_5542

Been hesitating on sharing this but I’m ready now. 3 weeks ago my dear mother passed. She was 94 and lived a truly amazing life. Gratefully I’d gone to Australia to see here in two months ago on a trip that without drugs changed how I see others , in particular my view of women and mothers . I believe I posted the very long article of what seeing her evoked in me. When I got the midnight call from my sister - I knew it wasn’t going to be happy news. I plunged into deep grief , heavy , exhausting, dark. Mentally death holds little or no fear and don’t see it as an end at all. But that wasn’t helping. I’ve wonderful loving support from family and strong network of dear old friends, but still I was in anguish. It’s times like this all the spiritual practice shows it’s worth as even in this way unenviable state I found acceptance and didn’t feel a need to run away or even try some self healing . I had a fully booked retreat to prepare for and facilitate for 3 days the following weekend and couldn’t really cancel as people had bought airplane tickets and such . The Friday came and at 5am in the shower the weight of grief and the pressure of having to do what would end up being 11 hours straight preparation, cleaning , shopping , driving etc and having to teach , entertain and guide clients on hikes became too much . You know the mind starts looking for a ways out and one is suicide. Not saying it quite got to suicidal (been there!) but thoughts of my own death would alleviate the crushing hopelessness became worthy of my serious attention. Till then I’d seen my emotions as a natural response to one’s my mother dying and was fine with letting the process ride out like a rough patch on a trip. Now it was interfering with my responsibilities and need to give those trusting in me the service, quality and energy they were traveling and paying me to give them. I did about a minute of EFT tapping and the whole heaviness totally disappeared. The whole day as I posted through the prep I was trying to find that pain but all that remains the sweet sense of loss of my dearly beloved mum and the chance to celebrate her remarkable life with my greater family. Some 100 or so will gather from around 30 countries to pay respect for to mariachi of our clan. She’s was a legend live out her 9 decades in four continents, survived by 4 kids, five grand kids , 4 great grandchildren, she won awards for singing , acting and painting, eloquent, graceful , full of panache, style and overflowing with wisdom and compassion. Sitting here in the airport I feel her living here n me and it fills me with an empowering duty to honor her by fully expressing the potential of the gifts she gave me. It’s obvious to say that we all have mothers, funny it took me till near the end of her life to truly realize what a supreme role they play in our universe. Thanks Mum , for EVERYTHING.