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melty369

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melty369

February 15, 2025 3:38 pm

I feel like I'm being asked to choose between the love of my life and best friend or be my most authentic self. I feel that path may seperate me from her and idk what to do.

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melty369

It just sucks. I saw us getting old together. She always focused on when I'm gonna stop loving her or leave her. Negative thoughts always. I think about us getting old together only. I don't look for the downfall

Like 2 February 15, 2025

wellhereweare

Be your most authentic self.

Like February 16, 2025

LordSlish

I had written up a pretty long comment, and got stoned and forgot to send it. I'll paraphrase this one; A huge part of being in a relationship is compromise, and coming to mutual agreements about how you want to move forward the relationship. You and her need to sit down and have a conversation abo... View More

Like 2 February 17, 2025

Joey Green

Only you can say what's "excessive", "helpful" a "hindrance" or "beneficial" However, when one cares deeply of another, we should really make an effort to set aside our own ideals, prejudices, biases and various other blind spots to simply put ourselves in their shoes and honestly try to understand... View MoreOnly you can say what's "excessive", "helpful" a "hindrance" or "beneficial" However, when one cares deeply of another, we should really make an effort to set aside our own ideals, prejudices, biases and various other blind spots to simply put ourselves in their shoes and honestly try to understand their perspective. But, this is usually only a positive if BOTH of you can make the intentional effort to do so. It's not as easy as it sounds. Many times ..... probably closer to most times ...... When someone expresses dissatisfaction, anger or disappointment etc in another ...... What they claim are the issue(s) ..... Very, very rarely ARE what's truly behind the root cause of the underlying problem ..... You are simply hearing about "the final straw breaking the camels back", a legitimate grip being used to express much deeper issues they can't or have trouble clearly articulating, or an excuse to vent repressed anger/regrets/judgemental feelings etc. Ultimatums are never a good sign in any relationship as such things commonly get used as a tool to legitimize decisions already made. You mention a negative slant towards her perspective ...... although generally not uncommon with females due to evolutionary psychology forces ..... When such a perspective always becomes the default mode in any and all situations, this is a huge red flag that there are deep and dark forces at play due to any number of reasons like childhood trauma, ptsd, low self worth, or a past history of severe victimization. While not necessarily a "deal breaker" ..... one also needs to "keep it real" and seriously ask yourself if this person is capable and willing of being led away from these constantly dark shadows and truly yearns to exist more in the light by being open to the positive possibilities of one's perspectives and not constantly defaulting to the shadows. If one insists upon casting shadows over any and all possibilities as they find comfort and refuge there and refute all contrary inspirations and reject help ..... They will eventually drag you there with them. Of course there is a spectrum to all this that only you can accurately categorize. Good luck man and never forget that thinking only from one's heart can lead you astray quickly. Although seemingly altruistic and noble ...... Thinking only with your heart without being thoroughly tempered by thoughts from your head, will rarely end well and more oftentimes just results in a broken heart that's further beat up by those same thoughts from your head that were so casually cast aside and ignored simply because at that moment, the heart spoke much louder

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Like 1 February 18, 2025 Edited