I have never purged before

This is the first trip report I've ever written.  I was inspired to write one up after reading a few here on DMT World, and realising the care and attention people put into sharing their experiences.  This was a really fun trip, even though it might not sound it, and I certainly learned a lot about myself.

In the ranking of stupid things to do on a Wednesday night, 6 grams of shrooms in LemonTek might be in most people's top ten, but with no work the following day and a decent harvest of shrooms, it seemed like a good idea to me.  I've never really been into cubes, as I've always had a plentiful supply of liberty caps, and when I have taken them they've always seemed a little weak.  Now I've started cultivating them, I have a decent supply, so I need to start making them work for me.

About ten days previously, I consumed 33g of fresh cubes, and the month before I'd had about 6 dry grams.  Neither of these trips was satisfying, more on the drunk side of things rather than a strange mystical journey through the cosmos.  I wasn't worried about being overwhelmed by 6 grams.  So at 9:35pm I duly downed the lemony concoction in one.

I played VR for about an hour, waiting for the mushrooms to work their magic.  After this time, the mushrooms seemed very weak given how many I had taken, and I was pissed, reflecting that cubes were a total waste of time when I also considered the two previous disappointing trips I had had.

My typical approach to mushrooms is to close my eyes, enjoy the visuals, and try to solve the mysteries of existence.  This time, when I closed my eyes, I immediately realised something was different - instead of seeing intricate designs and fractals in bright colours, the fractals immediately morphed into maggots and decaying vegetable matter. I hadn't got any decent visuals from my previous cubes, but I was definitely not anticipating this.  At one point a bunch of people wearing yellow oilskins put a bag of decaying octopus and squid tentacles in my face, and some of these exploded in a cloud of spores.  This was not the experience I had been looking for, and even when I sat down to take a crap and shut my eyes I had these tall guys in oilskins hanging around in the bathroom.  In the end I avoided closing my eyes, and played some more VR.  As the mushrooms got stronger, I tried to do a closed eye journey again, and I did mange to get near to a ceremonial place on a mountain top, but something was stopping me getting there.

The evening was starting to get frustrating.  Seeing all the maggots and worms, and having mold spores blown in my face, had made me feel quite nauseous, and the lemon in my stomach was starting to feel like it was burning. I resolved never to use lemon again to ruin a perfectly decent mushroom and decided to vomit everything up and be done with the evening, and started to look forwards to the imminent UK liberty cap season.  One of my life skills I have taught myself is the ability to vomit on demand, so I knew I could quickly empty my stomach with a minimum of fuss.  I duly vommed a a foul tasting concoction of lemon, mushrooms, and coke zero and got a bottle of water from the fridge.

My first sip of the water tasted horrible - what should have been plain water tasted like fizzy strawberry water, so instead I had a swig of Coke Zero.  I have no idea why I had Coke Zero, but for some reason I had picked some up in the grocery store earlier.  Drinking this triggered me to want to throw up again, so I retched a small amount into the toilet, and I also emptied the bottle of coke down there for good measure.  I then noticed that when I closed my eyes, I could no longer see rotten food and maggots and worms, and started to think about the images I had earlier of spores being blown into my right eye.  This triggered a big chunder.  All this throwing up was starting to make me feel quite good - I've never been on a purge before, but I decided that this is what I was now doing so I started to think about all the things that had been on my mind to see if any would trigger more vomiting.  I started to go through family members, trying to throw up for each one.  This took some time as the number of siblings I have is in double figures. The only strong reaction was when I reflected on the death of my father a year previously.  Back in February, I thought I had contracted a mild case of COVID when I developed a mysterious shortness of breath.  In June I had tested negative during a hospital stay, but the tightness had never really gone away.  Thinking of this triggered a moment of projectile vomiting and my chest immediately felt lighter.  I ran through some other health problems, including psoriasis and my recent diagnosis with multiple sclerosis, and all of these did trigger a strong reaction, as well as my reflection on my current inability to start looking for employment.

About half way through this toilet break, I had decided that maybe I should not call it a night, and that I had the perfect thing to make me feel better once I had an empty stomach.  I had dried most of my mushrooms, but I had kept a nice looking 30 gram specimen in the fridge.  So I boiled some water and made mushroom tea, which was steeping while I continued to throw up my guts.  As I made up my mind to make the tea, I felt the approving presence of an old man from South America behind me for an instance.

I also noticed that during my bathroom stay that I had been joined by the presence of a canid - a wolf or a husky, hard to tell the difference, but it's an animal that shows up every now and then for me.  I was also joined by a red and black dragon, which is a creature I became during a very heavy night of meditating on liberty caps.  I was also very happy to see that I could now see red green and yellow fractals washing over everything in the darkness.  The night had started to take an interesting turn, and it was 1am when I finally started to drink the mushroom tea.

I wanted to make the tea without breaking up the fresh mushroom into lots of pieces, so I ended up using a lot of water to cover it in the pot, so I had to drink 3 cups of tea.  This mushroom tasted amazing, way better than the nasty lemon stuff.  After the tea, I lay down on the sofa, but all that purging had envigorated me and there was no way I was going to lie down peacefully. So I went into the hallway, and stood there looking down the corridor.

Standing there, I reflected on the night so far.  I felt as though I had been under attack, with the strange visions and the attack only stopped when I had started to vomit.  It was only then that I really started to feel a connection to the mushroom trip.  I like to think that when I can see visuals, I am connected to the magic of the mushroom, and earlier I had been cut off, as though someone or something had actually been stealing it from me.  Now, over the last few weeks, I have  been starting to experiment with DMT.  So far, I have been keeping it sensible, not looking to pass out and blast off into hyperspace, just really getting to know the molecule.  In fact, I had smoked some earlier, around 6pm, getting to a place I am fairly comfortable at.  When I was there, I had received the advice that I should try and smoke a bit more and see if I could send part of me to sleep, but at the same time stay awake.  This does seem like an interesting challenge, and I will try it, but I had not wanted to get side tracked from the mushroom journey I had planned for the evening.  My prior DMT experiences had been very relevant to what I had experienced this evening, in particular the mold spores being blown into my right eye.  A couple of weeks ago, I had been in a DMT room, and when I leaned backwards I fell through a door and found myself in a dark stairwell, somewhere outside with loads of trashcans full of rotting stuff. It was like I had left DMT behind and gone somewhere completely different.  Standing on the stairs was a strange decaying thing which was half mushroom and half squid, and he actually blew spores into my right eye.  It wasn't a pleasant encounter, and I didn't really know what to make of it.  Another time I smoked DMT, I felt my right eye getting a jolt of electricity.

The evening's experiences now made me feel as though I had been under some kind of spiritual attack for a long time without knowing it.  I felt the DMT had been trying to reveal this to me earlier and help me solve the problem. Some of the things that I had purged went back into my personal history, before I had ever met DMT, and some even back to my childhood.

As I looked down the dark corridor, I realised that the tea was really starting to work, because the doorway was definitely moving, and  and some shoes and socks that were just black shapes on the floor had developed legs and looked like they might start start running around.  I decided to stay right there, to ground myself, and see if I could flush out the source of my oppression.  So I invited everyone and everything that bore me ill will to come along and have a go at me.

As I stared down the corridor into the kitchen, a lizard like animal looked ready to come to life and start to walk towards me, and the walls all around me became alive with animations - on my left the door frame and the painting turned into a scary clown, and on the right my shoe rack and the wall became some kind of monkey.  I didn't want to miss a moment, and refused to blink, watching a series strange things conjour themselves out of everyday items.  I also kept my mouth wide open, trying to scare this strange lizard thing.  I must have done this for quite some time, because I realised that my T-shirt and feet had become wet from drool that was dripping out of my mouth, my eyes were dry because i would not blink, but at the same time the tears were coming down my face.  Also, the surface of my tongue started to dry and fell like it was cracking.  This whole thing might sound a bit scary, but I was actually enjoying it.  Wednesday night was very stormy, and every now and then I could hear windows and doors banging shut, but these loud bangs couldn't make me blink either, although I did get startled a few times.

Eventually, I ended the staring game, when I was satisfied that nothing was going to really appear in front of me, and so I blinked and wiped off the drool and the tears, but still stayed rooted to the spot. At this point, I started to get rhythmic muscular contractions through out my whole body.  I normally use these to try and imagine myself transforming into an animal - for example wrapping the legs together makes it easier to be a snake or a whale. The spasms can be quite a pleasant experience, but can also get a bit violent if it's out of control.  This time I tried to become the dragon, but I wasn't successfull.  

I calmed the muscular contractions, and refocused at looking at the scene in front of me.  I realised when I focused my vision on the air in front of me, I could see through gaps in reality and start to look at what was beneath. I could see solid objects appearing out of the nowhere in the darkness.  I realised that maybe now was the time to go lie down, my legs were getting pretty tired, I had been standing for hours now.

I lay down in bed, with my eyes closed, looking at the vivid patterns.  I spent some time examining these, adjusting the way I observed at them to try and control the pattern, something which I had learned on DMT.  With my eyes closed, I could also see the outlines of my hands, in a sparkly blue.  For a moment, I thought about smoking the DMT that was in my pipe, as I had put it next to the bed, just in case, but I felt that might be taking things too far.  So I just relaxed, and pictured the world and the strange South American man who had appeared to me earlier in the night.  I drifted round the world, and felt myself becoming mountain ranges, and as I moved my body I could feel the continents moved.  As I stayed in a mountain range, I could feel my whole body becoming heavy and unable to move, getting sucked into the world.  I didn't want to end up stuck as a mountain, so I forced myself to sit up and break free, and this was quite a big effort to do.  Trying different places, I realised that there was mummified versions of me in mountains in the Himalayas and in the Andes, some there on purpose, and others who had been tricked into falling asleep and then remained trapped as mountains. Some might even be still alive, just with time running very slowly for them.  I left the planet to imagine myself as an astronomical body, trying to make myself into a new planet or some other type of giant structure, and evenutally settling on becoming a huge gas cloud 200 light years across containing loads of stars.

At this point I received a polite request from somewhere in the universe -"Please will you stop messing with the fabric of reality and space time by creating heavenly bodies, and just go to sleep.  If you do, I promise I will give you luck so you can win the lottery."  This does sound like an amazing offer which any rational person should accept.  However, my reaction was quite different.  I instantly remembered that I had received this exact same offer before, the last time I tried to transform into a heavenly body, a couple of years ago. I had accepted it then, and had totally forgotten about this promise until that moment, and needless to say, I have not won the lottery yet.

And so this situation made me really annoyed, because I had been previously been tricked by something taking advantage of my greedy nature.  I spent the next half hour trying to think of ways to get revenge and asking the universe for help in enforcing the cosmic lottery promise.  In the end, I went to sleep, because it was 5:30am and starting to get light.

The next day, I woke up feeling refreshed in a way that I had not felt in ages.  The tightness in my chest has definitely cleared up which is quite surprising to me.  I'm a bit concerned that there is something living in my right eye that is seeing everything I see though, and at one point in the night I did consider removing my eye. Fortunately, I'm not a complete idiot.  Also, I checked the lottery and Friday's jackpot is £126m, so I have bought a ticket just in case.  If I don't win tonight, the 70g of fresh shrooms that grew during that night will be made into tea and I'm going to try and track down the source of the lottery promise on Saturday.  I'm optimistic that whatever I purged that night includes whatever was stopping me from enjoying cubensis properly.