4g Cubensis in silent darkness

Little about me:Sex: MaleAge: 27Previous experience with drugs:Shrooms, acid, cannabis, Mdma, alcoholSet and setting:I had plan for this trip for about 3 week's.I had been a little unsure about the amount I was gonna take since most of my trips been on acid and I'm not that experienced with shrooms. Originally I was going to take 5 grams but felt a bit worried about it so I decided on 4 grams.I was excited but a but nervous. I was gonna take it at home, alone with my cat.But I did let a friend that lives close by what I was gonna take so I had him as a backup.I had cleand my house, got a lot of blankets and pillows. And of course, a bottle of water.The Trip.T+000I sat down on my bed with the shrooms on a plate on my nightstand. I focused on my breathing, calming my mind. I speak out loud what my intentions with this trip are and thenI start eating the shrooms, the earthy taste gets a bit much after about 2 grams so I wash away the taste with some water before I take the rest.I put up a thick blanket on the windows and close the bedroom door, it's now completely dark.I lay down on the bed, close my eyes and start taking deep, slow breaths.T+030I notice this tingly feeling in my hands, arms and legs. And I have this feeling of complete calmness. Every breath feels so light and fulfilling. Like I can feel the oxygen filling my entire body.T+045My body is heavy and relaxed. My eyes are closed I and can see these dark brown and purple curved lines coming at me.The tingling sensation that was in my arms and legs are now in my entire body. I could feel how the shrooms was working on my tense muscles. I thanked the shrooms for making my tense body so relaxed. And when I did the dark brown and purple lines turned brighter and I feelt this love, this unconditional love.T+060From here it gets hard to estimate the time.I've never been more relaxed. I feel how I start melting into the bed and how the blankets are a part of my body.My thoughts are drifting of wherever that want.I have completely surrendered myself. I just go wherever the shrooms leads me.I start to roll around in the bed, stretching my arms and legs. I'm yawning so much it feels like my jaw is gonna dislocate, but it feels great.T+???I'm still in my bed, twisting and turning.I feel sleepy, feels like I'm in some kind of dormancy and I realize that I'm an ancient being. As old as the universe itself. That I've slept for thousands of years, and that I'm gonna sleep for thousands more.I feel old and wise. Yet, young and naive.I got so much knowledge but yet I know nothing. I'm the universe but in one body.I'm alone but surrounded by love and connected to everyone.T+???I'm still an ancient being, but I feel that my body needs to pee.So I slowly get up from the bed, and slowly open the bedroom door and start heading to the bathroom. When I walk I feel like a tree. Kind of like an Ent from lord of the rings.I feel old and strong. Wise and at peace.I sit down at the toilet and do that I do.I look at my hands, they amuse me. Such a simple and poor construct.I go back to my bed and close the door, I'm back in the darkness.I don't know how long I've been in there since I got back from the bathroom.But something is different.I'm not at peace anymore.I try to focus on my breathing, calming myself but I can feel a storm coming.The fact that I can't tell the difference between my own arm and the blanket anymore is no longer a good sensation, it gives me panic.My ego is trying to get control over the trip but at the same time I just want to let it go.I start to feel panic so I decided to go downstairs again, try to put on some music to distract myself.I'm downstairs listening to music that always makes me feel better but it won't help.The anxiety is too great for me to handle.I decide that I should call my friend but my phone is making no sense to me.The icons keeps floating away from the screen and I feel frustrated.I walk over to the couch to sit down and start to take deep, slow breaths again. It didn't really help. I close my eyes and I try to understand why I'm having this anxiety and panic.But all I can think of is how much I need to call my friend.I take the phone and after a while I manage to figure out how to call my friend.I call him but no one answered. I call again and this time he awnser.He ask what's up and I tell him and ask him to come over as he said he would if I needed to.He hesitates and says "but try to look at a movie or something".I explain that I can't, that I don't understand technology and the only reason I was able to call him was because the shrooms let me.I beg him to come over but he keeps making excuses. He said he has friend over and if he comes there's gonna be like 5 more people, I say it's okay but all off a sudden he needs to drive them to the bus.I realize that he won't help me. I hang up and lay down on the couch. My cat walks up to me and starts purring, I can feel how much she loves me. I lay there in the couch with my cat and listen to music. I feel sad and some anxiety but I also feel relieved.I lay there till I'm more or less sober again.After the trip.I got what I asked for. I had feelt that some of my relations weren't true.That I had false people around me but even though I at some level knew that my friend were false I denied it to myself.The shrooms helped me see him for who he are.I don't blame him, and I hold no grudge towards him. He is lost like so many others. I know that he is a good person but I think his struggles are to great for him.I would not say that I had a bad trip. A part of it was difficult but I don't really think there's such a thing as a bad trip as long as you learn something from it.